The Trump Files

"Okay...I'll buy that. But tell me, how has she alone been able to unravel these deep and arcane mysteries?"

"Quite simple, really. Phoebe says that she and her husband 'had an encounter with an Angel of the Lord' who came down to bring her the answers she had been praying about and seeking."

"And the angel told her about Trump?"

"That's what she says..."

"Is she sure the angel came down and not up?"

"She's not quite sure about that. But the angel was a veritable fount of information..."

"In what way?"

"Well, besides letting her know that Trump is God's chosen Messiah, the angel said that former president Obama is 'Gog, the Chief Prince of Magog!'"

"Is that good or bad?"

"Apparently, the angel didn't say..."

"But the angel is sure about Trump..."

"Absolutely. Phoebe says, in plain English that anyone can grasp, 'the Angel has given me understanding... referring to the Lost Tribes of the Northern Kingdom, etc. The Lord has begun "the Countdown" and how D Trump's presidency will make America great again.'"

"Amazing! I wonder where she found such an inspiring catch phrase?"

"I think it may have been the Trump University motto..."

"So how is Trump responding to all this talk about a Messiah?"

"He thinks it's utter nonsense, of course—which is why he has referred to himself as 'the Chosen One' and urged his supporters to think of him in Messianic terms..."

"Yes, he obviously doesn't believe a word of it."

"On the other hand, as Phoebe points out, there is one sure way to [prove or disprove the claim: 'By Trump's works will we know whether he is from God or not.' Seems fair enough. And so far, Trump's 'works' appear to be uniformly holy and proper, at least according to the standards established by his evangelical Christian base: three wives, an 'alleged' history of adultery, three (or four) bankruptcies, tax and business fraud (again, 'alleged'), stiffing almost everyone who ever did business with him, a disastrous four years in the White House during which he spent much of his time watching television when he wasn't fabricating more than 30,000 lies, accepting 'tithes' through his Truth Social and Save America web sites, and last but not least, orchestrating a plot to overthrow a lawful presidential election to stay in power by claiming (without proof) that it had been 'stolen' from him. Of course, that is also 'alleged,' as no one has yet had the cojones to indict or prosecute him."

"Well, I can certainly see how our faith is being tested..."

"You mean our faith in Trump as the Messiah?"

"No, I mean our faith in the proposition that there is intelligent life on earth..."

October 10, 2022

We are at a rally for Herschel Walker, former president Donald Trump's hand-picked GOP candidate to run for a seat in the US Senate from the great state of Georgia. As befits Walker's life history, the crowd is in raucous cheerleader mode:

"Herschel, Herschel, he's our man! Anti-abortion—TOTAL ban! Come on, tell 'em, Herschel, our pigskin-toting hero, exactly where you stand on that evil practice..."

"Thank you, everyone, for your support. As you know, I am one hundred percent—cross my heart and hope to die—one hundred percent against abortion of ANY kind, for ANYBODY! But I'm not really sold on a TOTAL ban. I've been thinking hard and praying about it, and I now believe there could be at least ONE exception...one where the life of the FATHER could be in danger..."

"An exception? An exception to your absolute and inflexible anti-abortion stance? This is really mind-blowing news! Please tell us what you mean by that, O god of the gridiron..."

"You see, I've come to believe an abortion can be legal and proper in certain rare cases, but ONLY if a man and woman agree in advance that it's the right thing to do, the man pays all the expenses, and afterward he sends her a nice 'get-well' card..."

"Well, that certainly sounds reasonable enough. Even though it's not a TOTAL ban, it certainly covers almost all the bases...Yes, some could say it seems vaguely hypocritical...but we're ready to overlook that, because we REALLY NEED that Senate seat!"

"I knew you'd understand..."

"Understand? More than that, Herschel! We're going to rally the shameless GOP troops to help push you over the top! The evangelicals will love you and praise you for your total honesty!—the same way they have loved and praised Donald Trump for those very same qualities!...If there's one thing we stand squarely behind, it's...it's...give us a moment here..."

"Don't much matter what you stand BEHIND, my friends, as long as you stand FOR me!"

"Attaboy, Herschel! Took the pretext right out of our mouth! As usual, cuttin' through the bullshit and right to the chase! Yes, we know you've made some mistakes, and you're certainly far from perfect...but you're still a much better choice for a Senate seat than that tool of Satan, the so-called Rev Raphael Warlock..."

"Yes, fiends, a defender of the devil hiding behind his pastorship at the Ebenezer Baptist Church! Shame on him! Who does he think he is, the second coming of MLK?..."

"Go get 'em, Herschel! Tell is like it is! In November, you can bet we'll send that Warlock runnin' back to his pews and tithes!"

"Bless you, my friends! I can hardly wait to get to Washington and join such hard-working patriots as Marjorie Taylor Greene—from this very state—Matt Gaetz, Lauren Boebert, Ron Johnson, Ted Cruz, Lindsey Graham, Steve Scalise, Mo Brooks, Josh Hawley, Louie Gohmert, Rand Paul, Jim Jordan, Marco Rubio, Rick Scott, Paul Gosar, Elise Stefanik, Ronnie Jackson, Tommy Tuberville and other loyal Republicans whose only goal is to make America great again in Donald Trump's sacred image..."

"We're with you, Herschel! Behind you all the way! Let's hear it, everyone, for Georgia's next US Senator (and Mr Touchdown), Herschel Walker! Herschel, Herschel, he's our man! Ant-abortion—ALMOST total ban!"

"Maybe we could make that 'completely total ban' with an asterisk..."

"Great idea, Herschel! The news media should be dumb enough to believe the ban is still total, which is all that matters anyway. Now you have only one more small hurdle to clear: your televised debate with the Satan-loving Rev Warlock. So tell us, how are the reading lessons going? Have you gotten past 'see Spot run' yet...?"

October 17, 2022

Last week, the House select committee charged with investigating the armed attack on the US Capitol on January 6, 2021, held its ninth and (perhaps) final public hearing, at the end of which the panel voted unanimously to subpoena former president Donald ("why not Nancy Pelosi?") Trump to give testimony under oath. Here is what we have learned so far:

As early as July 2020, months before the November 20 election, then-president Trump had devised a plan in which he would declare victory on election night, regardless of the outcome or that fact that millions of votes had not yet been counted. The end game was to ensure that the "stolen" election would be overturned, handing Trump the victory and with it another four years in office. After declaring loudly that he had "won" the election, Trump sought to prove his claim in court, but after going 0-for-62 in that arena, he moved to Plan B, which was to make sure Joe Biden's victory wouldn't be certified by Congress on January 6, 2021. To do that, he needed the cooperation of vice-president Mike Pence who was to overturn the votes in several key states and award their sham electors to Trump. Problem was, Pence knew that would be unconstitutional and refused to play Trump's game.

That left the former president only one option: to assemble an armed mob on the national ellipse, tell them to "fight like hell" for him, and direct them to the Capitol. As the January 6 committee has established in sworn testimony from many of those involved in the events leading up to that day and the ensuing riot, Trump knew beyond any doubt that he had lost the election; knew that the mob he summoned was violent, armed and determined to prevent Congress from carrying out its constitutional duty; knew that the vice-president's life could be in danger; and knew that, by urging his followers to march on the Capitol, he was encouraging them to illegally attack the building.

"The central cause of January 6 was one man, Donald Trump," January 6 committee vice-chair Liz Cheney summed up. "None of this would have happened without him. He was personally and substantially involved in all of it."

Trump, we have learned, wanted to march with the mob but that plan was blocked by the Secret Service, which considered such a move too dangerous. So he returned to the White House to watch the carnage unfold on Fox News, ignoring pleas by staffers and even family members to call off the dogs. Trump refused to issue a cease-and-desist order of any kind for more than three hours, during which time his supporters overran police barricades, breached the Capitol building and sent the vice-president, members of Congress, staffers and others scurrying to find safe places to hide from the bloodthirsty mob, many of whom were chanting "hang Mike Pence!" and "where's Pelosi? Bring her out!"

When the would-be coup was at last thwarted—but not before the rioters had caused numerous injuries and several deaths—Trump grudgingly conceded that his time in office was over, and he and Melania flew from DC to his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida, accompanied by hundreds—perhaps thousands—of government documents, many labeled classified, that did not belong to him and should have been entrusted by law to the National Archives. Trump then ignored a number of requests (and a subpoena) from the Archives for their return, prompting the FBI to descend on Mar-a-Lago in August to retrieve most (but probably not all) of the documents.

Anyone who sees evidence of a crime (or more) committed by the former president based on what has been disclosed, please feel free to raise your hand. Let's see... well, it seems that every hand has been raised, and some of you are raising two. The decision appears to be unanimous. And so the question now becomes, what's next? Will the Teflon Man ever be charged with a crime? Brought to trial? Perhaps convicted and even imprisoned?

What continues to amaze and confound me is that the news media—left, center and right—continue to waffle and spar over such obvious breaches of the law, hemming and hawing about the former gangster-in-chief's "motives," his "state of mind," whether the January 6 committee, the Department of Justice or anyone else has enough evidence for "a case that could stand up in court," and blah blah blah.

Meanwhile, in the "alternate" world of American justice—the one reserved for ordinary people—men (and some women) have been convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison or even death based on no more than circumstantial evidence or the testimony of an eyewitness (or more) who could have been mistaken or had an ax to grind with the defendant. (Of course, most of the accused are black, not orange.) As far as I know, the "motive" or "state of mind" that may have triggered the offense is rarely if ever considered; defendants are simply found guilty, sentenced and placed under lock and key to await their fate.

The point I am trying to make is, should anyone really care WHY former president con man committed his various and sundry crimes? He clearly didn't do so to "make America great again." In a court of law, it should be enough to say to a jury, "We believe that the defendant (whoever he or she is) committed a crime (or in this case, crimes A, B, C, D and etc). Do you agree?" And let them decide. First, however, we must have the courage and commitment to make sure said defendant faces a jury. In Trump's case, in spite of a large and growing mountain of incriminating evidence, I despair that it will ever happen.

Meanwhile, in North Carolina...

Five people—including an off-duty police officer—were killed and at least two others wounded in a shooting last week in Raleigh. The shooter in this case was fifteen years old. It was the 531st mass shooting in the US this year, which sounds really bad until one learns that mass shootings comprise only a small fraction of over-all gun deaths in the US; in fact, nearly two-thirds of gun-related deaths each year are suicides. That should make you rest more comfortably.

October 24, 2022

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen...This is Welleson Ores speaking. This evening, MegaCon Promotions is proud to present a dramatic radio broadcast featuring the one and only Amazing Donaldo—direct from New York City, Washington DC and Mar-a-Lago, Florida—who plans tonight to perform the most Herculean feat of his remarkable career—the Orange Escape—by breaking through a mass of seemingly impenetrable lawsuits and allegations—all while under water—and emerging unscathed with his incomparable MAGA credentials and ill-gotten wealth completely intact...

"And now—hold on, everyone... here he is onstage!—greeted by wildly enthusiastic applause, it's the unrivaled Orange Houdini himself, the peerless escape artist known the world over as the Amazing Donaldo...!

"Walking confidently to center stage, Donaldo is standing in front of an enormous tank of water, in which he will soon be submerged—but not before he is handcuffed, blindfolded and rendered seemingly helpless by a number of iron-clad devices that would make an escape by any other human being well-nigh impossible...

"The preparations have now begun. Liz Cheney, on behalf of the January 6 congressional committee, has placed the Amazing Donaldo in a straitjacket and is cuffing his hands behind his back with stainless steel, guaranteed-to-be-inflexible handcuffs... an FBI agent is testing them for toughness and security and has given them his thumbs-up...

"Attorney general Merrick Garland is now shackling Donaldo in leg irons attached to a steel chain that extends upward and locks firmly around his abdominal area...

"And finally, Fani Willis, the district attorney of Fulton County, Georgia, is placing a blindfold over Donaldo's eyes and lowering a hood over his face...It looks like he's about ready to be lifted into the tank, which holds more than a thousand gallons of water...

"A specially built crane is onstage and has begun lifting the Amazing Donaldo above the tank and into the water... he should have less than three minutes in which to free himself from the massive restraints... Let's begin the countdown...!

"It looks like Donaldo may be struggling a bit... I believe he's having some difficulty removing the handcuffs...he's thrashing about in the water... almost a minute has gone by, and it's hard to see from this angle how he is doing...

"No, wait! The handcuffs are off! The handcuffs have come off! And the Amazing Donaldo is using his tiny fingers to rip the January 6 committee's subpoena into hundreds of little pieces...!

"Having removed his hood and blindfold, Donaldo is now turning his attention to the leg irons... And this one won't be easy, folks... Garland has locked them so tight that Donaldo can't seem to grip them firmly in his wee hands... and time is quickly running out... Could this be the one obstacle that is too insurmountable for even the Amazing Donaldo to overcome...? He may soon have to signal for help and be raised from the tank...!

"I can see a few air bubbles leaking from Donaldo's mouth... this could be serious, everyone... Glancing at Merrick Garland, I can see he looks stricken... his face is ashen white...

"Hold on! Wait a minute! The leg irons appear to be loosening! Yes, it looks like the Amazing Donaldo may have freed himself from the irons with seconds to spare! Only the chain around his waist remains intact... and now he has removed the chain too! And he's coming up for air!... Ladies and gentlemen, the Amazing Donaldo has done it again! He's stepping onto the platform outside the tank, bowing and waving to the audience—who are on their feet, giving him a thunderous standing ovation as he dons his signature red MAGA cap...

"For those in our radio audience, this has been no less than miraculous! Once again, the Amazing Donaldo has beaten the odds and and "trumped"—pun intended—every lawful stumbling block thrown his way. How does he do it? I wish I knew. And so do Liz Cheney, Merrick Garland and Fani Willis, all of whom appear to be absolutely astonished and left speechless by Donaldo's unrivaled sleight of hand...

"Speaking of which, I'm being told that the Amazing Donaldo would like to say a few words, so we'll hand the microphone over to him. Before doing so, however, please accept our warmest congratulations, Donaldo, for another truly extraordinary escape..."

"Thank you, Welleson. It certainly wasn't easy but I never felt I was in any real danger, as it's the kind of deception I've been working on most of my adult life...

"The fact is, those who shackled and blindfolded me were totally unaware of my secret power, which is to easily evade and outmaneuver any attempt to immobilize me or tie me down... they thought they could defeat me with handcuffs and leg irons...but the Amazing Donaldo does not surrender so easily... he always has one last trick up his sleeve... or under his hairpiece..."

"But this has to be more than a mere trick, Donaldo. We examined those restraints up close, and they were iron-clad..."

"Welleson, how many times have the skeptics thought they had the Amazing Donaldo hobbled and at their mercy? More times than you and I can count, I can tell you... And they haven't laid a finger, let alone a hand, on me yet... not even when I've been caught with not one but both hands in the cookie jar...

"This is no different. The January 6 committee, the Department of Justice, the FBI, the Georgia state officials—even the National Archives—all talk a tough game but when push comes to shove, they haven't the tools—or frankly the guts—to deal with the Amazing Donaldo... as you saw again tonight. They took their best shot and Donaldo left them with egg on their face...

"And speaking of eggs, did you know there are actually thirteen eggs in a dozen? Not many people do. I call it a baker's dozen... I just made that up..."

"That is truly amazing, Donaldo. But what are your plans after tonight's mind-blowing escape? Will you be trying to steal the presidency again in 2024?"

"That's a great question, Welleson. And as I always do, I'll give you an honest answer, which is that I really haven't made up my mind yet. All I can say right now is, when I do make a decision, an awful lot of people are going to be very happy..."

"Well, I for one am sorry to hear that, Donaldo. Some of us were hoping you'd decide to run again..."

October 31, 2022

A Halloween Horror Story, Future Tense:

"What time is it?"

"Well, according to my Trump-watch, it's almost six o'clock."

"And what day? I can never remember days or years since we changed the calendars..."

"If you must know, it's Donday, the twenty-third of Ivanka, and it's the year thirty-seven TE (Trump Era)."

"Yeah...I think I have it now. So, what's for dinner?"

"Do you need to even ask? Cheeseburger, fries and a chocolate shake, as mandated by secretary of health Christie. As he says, it's the only sure way to..."

"I know; a Big Mac: the surest way to lasting health and happiness. That may be true, but I do get a bit tired of eating the same meals day after day..."

"Well, don't forget we are allowed to have KFC on Sundays and holidays. And if burgers and fries are good enough for our Supreme Deity, they should be good enough for everyone. Look at him; he's in his nineties now and the picture of corpulent health..."

"I'd like to look at him but he hasn't been seen in public for nearly a year now..."

"Well, as secretary of state Barron Trump has explained, that has nothing to do with his health. The Supreme Deity is simply taking an extended vacation at his summer home in Greenland, the country he bought two years ago from Denmark. As the saying goes, he's healthy as an ox...and almost as smart; in fact, the Orange House doctor says he'll probably live at least another hundred years."

"I guess you're right. But this diet we're on...you don't suppose it has anything to do with his having bought McDonalds, Burger King, Whataburger and KFC, do you?"

"Shhh! Don't even THINK that! You know the house is bugged! Of course (I'm speaking right into the potted plant now) it has NOTHING to do with that! The Supreme Deity is always on our side, not his, and doing what is in our best interest...and you know he would never lie to you..."

"That's true; he has never lied to me. On the other hand, I've never met him..."

"And if you had, you'd see he's the very same honest and upstanding Supreme Deity who won ninety-seven percent of the popular vote in the last election (he's suing for the other three percent, claiming the election was "rigged"). And by last election, I do mean last, as Congress—as you well know—has passed and the Supreme Court has upheld the Hereditary Succession Act, installing the Trump family as rulers in perpetuity of the Peoples Republic of America, formerly known as the United States..."

"Well, that certainly frees up a lot of the time we used to spend comparing candidates for office and taking a day off to vote..."

"That's exactly the point! With Supreme Deity Trump in charge and tending to everyone's needs, there's really no need for an opposition party, which is what makes the new one-party system so ideal. Trump is now able to deal with his closest friends—Vladimir, Kim, Bashir, Recep, Viktor—on an equal footing, not having to answer to a legislative or judicial branch, the same way they don't. It makes foreign relations go so much smoother. And those love letters from Kim! More passionate and steamy than ever!"

"Riveting as that is, I've had about enough politics for one day. So what's on television this evening?"

"Well, Fox 1 is airing an interesting documentary, 'The 1620 Project,' about how the pilgrims who landed at Plymouth Rock befriended the Indians, gave them food, clothing and blankets, converted them to Christianity, and promised they'd never take their land—a promise that has been scrupulously kept for more than four hundred years...

"On Fox 2, there's an exciting new game show, 'Run for Your Life,' in which black contestants are offered a $10 million prize if they can outrun a bullet from an AR15. No winners yet, but it's only the third week...

"Fox 3 has the usual talk show lineup: Hacker Carlson, Lotta Ingraham, Sham Hannity...

"Oh, there's a pretty good comedy show on Fox 4, about a couple who try to beat the high cost of living by hiding out on the grounds of a luxurious country club in Florida, only to run afoul of its vengeful owner...lotsa laughs when he goes after them with golf clubs, hunting dogs and napalm...

"Fox Sports is covering chariot racing, untethered rock climbing, taser tag, gladiator contests, bare-knuckle bloodletting, waterless cliff diving...the games most viewers love...

"And on Fox 5, there's an exclusive interview with Greta Longstocking, the last woman known to have had an abortion in America before the death penalty was imposed...

"That's about it. No new programs on Fox 6, 7, 8, 9 or 10. Of course, there's always Musk-See TV, the only challenger to Fox, but hardly anyone watches that..."

"I think I'll pass. I've gotta get ready for my trip to Trumpizona; it's only two weeks away..."

"Have you googled Trump Airlines yet?"

"No; I'll do that tomorrow. But I've already booked my room at the Trump Plaza Grand Canyon. I may have time for a brief visit to the Trump Casino in Don's Vegas..."

"Will you be flying there?"

"No, I think I'll take the Trump Train. That'll take me straight to Trump Station, and from there I can phone for a Trump Lyft..."

"Weren't you going to take a gift for your cousin Hal?"

"Yes, but I'll get it online at trumpazon."

"And don't forget, we have to go to church tomorrow..."

"Yes, even the Supreme Deity, busy as he is, makes time for that every week. I'll admit it's more challenging since he mandated that everyone read the Bible upside down, as he does..."

"Well, that may be true, but..."

"AAAAAAYYYYIIIIEEEE!"

"What's the matter? What's wrong.? You're shaking all over...!"

"OMG! I just had the worst nightmare ever! Trump was not only president forever, he was the Supreme Deity, and everything was named after him!...We had to eat burgers and fries every day, and there was no TV except Fox! He even owned amazon! Believe me, was beyond horrible!"

"There, there...calm down. Get hold of yourself. It was only a bad dream. Trump isn't president for life...and we're having roast beef, mashed potatoes and veggies for supper, then we'll watch Rachel Maddow. See? Everything is fine, just as it was before your nap. There's no need to worry; after all, we both know nothing like that could ever happen in America...Now put on your orange mask and let's go Trump-or-treating..."

November 11, 2020

If they play their cards right, the managers who schedule guests on the TV series "The Biggest Loser" (now airing on USA Network) could strike pay dirt. There's a would-be contestant in south Florida who as of Tuesday evening qualifies—bigly. We are referring, of course, to former president Donald ("look out! here comes da big red wave!") Trump whose dreams of a mid-term GOP landslide were rudely aborted (sorry; couldn't resist that jab) thanks to sub-par performances by a number of handpicked candidates who had endorsed his divisive MAGA agenda, abortion bans and election denials.

The losses, which were across the board, included perhaps the most humiliating of them all, in Pennsylvania, wherein Trump's fair-haired Senate candidate, TV "doctor" Mehmet Oz, lost to an opponent who was, according to Oz's own campaign ads, "brain-dead." That voters preferred a brain-dead candidate in lieu of the snake oil he was peddling must have been especially galling to the good doctor who is no doubt nursing his wounds at one of his actual homes in neighboring New Jersey. Also in Pennsylvania, Trump's candidate for governor, the unfit and unhinged Doug Mastriano, who was at the US Capitol (not as a sightseer) on January 6, was crushed by his Democratic opponent, Josh Schapiro.

In Michigan, Trump's endorsed candidate for governor, Tudor Dixon, was sent packing, as was Trump's choice for secretary of state, election denier Kristina Karamo.

In New Hampshire, Trump endorsee Don Bolduc didn't even come close against the Democratic incumbent, Maggie Hassan, while in Wisconsin, the former president's flunky, Tim Michels, was routed by Tony Evers in the race for governor.

And so it went all evening. Yes, Trump did score victories in some less-decisive races, but every one of his higher-profile candidates save one (Ohio's JD Vance) learned the hard way that Trump's touted "magic" at the polls is about as valid as his promise to build a wall to block the wave of immigrants from south of the border.

The former president, gracious as always when things aren't going his way, said on election night, "I think if they [his endorsed candidates] win, I should get all the credit, and if they lose, I should not be blamed at all."

Well said, sir. An epigram that should during the course of history be heralded for its wisdom and insight and likened to memorable statements by Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, JFK, FDR, MLK, Horatio Nelson, Patrick Henry and Thomas Jefferson, each of whom took full credit for winning but were quick to blame others for for their failures.

As one who loves to trumpet his accomplishments, the once and former president can say with pride that no one in American politics has ever been a bigger loser than Donald J Trump.

Many races are still too close or too early to call, but as of Thursday afternoon, at least 400 out LGBTQ candidates had won their elections, according to the LGBTQ Victory Fund, which supports queer people running for office. That number surpasses 2020's record of 336 and 2018's record of 244.

At least 1,065 lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people ran for office this year, with 678 of them making it to the general election, the LGBTQ Victory Institute, the research arm of the Victory Fund, reported. With at least 400 wins so far, queer candidates will have a midterm success rate of at least 58%.

Of the over 1,000 queer candidates who ran for office this year, 89% are Democrats, according to the Victory Fund. This reflects LGBTQ voters more broadly: 84% supported Democrats, while 15% supported Republicans, according to an NBC News Exit Poll released Tuesday evening.

Annise Parker, president and CEO of the LGBTQ Victory Fund, said in a statement that the "rainbow wave" is a "clear rebuke to the increased homophobia and transphobia sweeping our communities."

"Bigots tried their best to undermine our political power—but their hate backfired and motivated more LGBTQ people to run and win than ever before," she said in a statement. "With so much at stake this election, from the future of marriage equality to abortion, LGBTQ candidates' grit and exceptional grassroots support is paying off."

November 21, 2022

With our once-noble country hopelessly—and perhaps irretrievably—divided, Republicans gaining a slim majority in the US House of Representatives and vowing to investigate everyone from president Biden to the ushers at their local theatre, inflation throwing a monkey wrench into many a plan for a safe and trouble-free retirement, Elon Musk overseeing the abrupt and rapid demolition of Twitter, climate change wreaking havoc from coast to coast, and the course of justice perverted again in the assassination of American journalist Jamal Khashoggi, it's comforting to know that some things never change.

Yes, we mean that Donald Trump is running for president—again; claiming the 2020 election was stolen from him—again; and unleashing a torrent of lies and misinformation—again, starting with the announcement of his intention to enter the 2024 presidential race and no doubt continuing well beyond the time when he claims—again—that the election was "rigged" after another clear and decisive loss to whoever his opponent happens to be.

Trump's declaration last week was so riddled with outright lies that anyone would be hard-pressed to keep track and single them out. That is, unless some savvy news outlet—say, The Washington Post—was keeping score. Ooops! Well, there's no need to go into great detail here; we'll simply boil them down and let Trump's falsehoods speak for themselves.

Trump: "The US left $85 billion worth of military equipment in Afghanistan upon its withdrawal in 2021."

Fact: It was more like $7 billion worth, some of which was rendered inoperable before US forces withdrew.

Trump: His administration "filled up" the Strategic Petroleum Reserve, which has been "virtually drained" by the Biden administration.

Fact: No, Trump did not "fill up" the Reserve, and it has not been "virtually drained." In fact, there were fewer barrels of crude in the Reserve when Trump left office in 2021 than there were when he entered the White House in 2017, and the US Reserve remains the largest in the world (396 million barrels), even though president Biden released a large chunk of it to help keep oil prices down in the wake of Russia's invasion of Ukraine in February 2022.

Trump: "No president had ever sought or received $1 for our country from China until I came along."

Fact: The US has imposed tariffs on Chinese goods for more than 200 years, and FactCheck reported in 2019 that the US "generated an average of $12.3 billion a year in customs duties [from China] from 2007 to 2016." And during Trump's presidency, American businesses, not Chinese, were bearing the lion's share of the cost of his tariffs—but that's another story.

Trump: "They say the ocean will rise by 1/8 of an inch over the next 200 years. But they don't worry about nuclear weapons that can take out entire countries with one shot."

Fact: The US National Oceanic Service says on its website that "sea level along the US coastline is projected to rise, on average, 10-12 inches in the next 30 years...as much as the rise measured over the last 100 years." Which, as you'll no doubt agree, is a tad more than 1/8 inch in 200 years. Climate change is real, and a real threat to human survival, but no one is ignoring the threat of nuclear weapons because they are preoccupied with the environment.

Trump: "If you get caught dealing drugs in China you have an immediate and quick trial, and by the end of the day, you are executed. That's a terrible thing, but they have no drug problem."

Fact: Like many other countries, China does have a drug problem. The Chinese government reported that there were "1.49 million registered drug users nationwide" as of the end of 2021, admittedly a significant undercount of actual drug use there. As for immediate trials and summary executions, the Chinese government points to its rehabilitation, education and anti-poverty programs, not to any quick trials and executions.

Trump: Trying to deflect and share blame for having taken government documents to his Florida home and resort after leaving office, Trump said, "Obama took a lot of things with him."

Fact: As the National Archives and Records Administration pointed out in August when Trump first claimed that Obama had taken millions of records to Chicago, it was the Archives itself that moved those records to a NARA-managed facility in the Chicago area, near where Obama's presidential library is to be located, adding that "former president Obama has no control over where and how NARA stores the presidential records of his administration." As for Trump's claim that various other presidents had supposedly taken documents to their home states, NARA says it was responsible for moving those documents, not the former presidents. Case closed.

Trump: "We were $1.87 for gasoline, and now it's sitting five, six, seven and eight dollars [a gallon], and it's gonna go really bad."

Fact: While the price for a gallon of gas did fall briefly to $1.87 (and lower) during the Covid pandemic in 2019, the price per gallon when Trump left office in January 2021 averaged $2.39. And while there are some remote stations where the price is always higher than average, the American Automobile Association says the average price per gallon when Trump made his speech last week was $3.75—a rather far cry from $5, $6, $7 or $8. California, whose gas prices are usually the highest, was averaging $5.42 per gallon.

Trump: Claimed that his administration, unlike Obama's, had convinced countries like Guatemala and Honduras to take back their gang members who had come to America. "The worst gangs are MS-13. And under the Barack Hussein Obama administration, they were unable to take them out, because their countries where they came from wouldn't take them."

Fact: As a rule, it is not true, according to US Customs and Immigration Enforcement, that Guatemala or Honduras wouldn't take back their citizens during Obama's administration. For the fiscal year 2016, Obama's last year in office, ICE reported that Guatemala and Honduras ranked second and third, behind Mexico, in terms of the country of citizenship of people removed from the US.

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