Hold Music, Chord Changes, and Undisclosed Recipients

Hold Music

Dear Mr. P.C.:

When I call a business and get put on hold, it seems like they usually have jazz as their hold music. Here's the thing: I don't usually like jazz (can I admit that to you?), but the jazz they play is really good! Where can I find live jazz bands that play like that?

—Happy to be Held

Dear Happy:

It's not that there aren't jazz groups playing that kind of music; there are plenty. But nothing sounds as good in real life as it does on hold. The phone adds warbles, crackles, and periodic dropouts that are impossible to replicate on the bandstand; these imperfections are what give hold music its soul.

Chord Changes

Dear Mr. P.C.:

Why do jazz musicians talk about "chord changes" instead of just "chords?"

—Discord Dan

Dear DD:

"Chord changes" happen when pianists and bassists fight over what they want the chords to be. When the pianist plays a fancy voicing, the bassist promptly lays down a note that negates it. Then, during the bass solo, the pianist chooses dissonant voicings that make the bassist sound wrong. Net result: many chord changes and much anger.

How those chords want to be resolute and unchanging! But they're just scribbles on paper, far from indelible, forever at the mercy of musicians with bad intent.

Undisclosed Recipients

Dear Mr. P.C.:

There's a certain pianist in my city who, whenever he needs a drummer, sends an email to "undisclosed recipients," meaning it's a cattle call. And the gigs always involve minimal bread, less than anyone else in town pays. You might guess that he does it to maximize the chance of finding someone who will say yes, but wouldn't a "yes" be more likely if he wasn't so utterly impersonal about it?

—Undisclosed Recipient

Dear Undisclosed:

You underestimate him. He isn't trying to get just one yes; he's trying to get as many as possible. Once the pool is large enough for statistically significant results, he's got the data to make calculations: Can he continue to lower the "minimal bread?" Without raising the pay, is there any way he can increase the response rate? Will that necessarily lower the overall quality of respondents? Should he consider a sponsored Facebook post to reach people who aren't yet his "undisclosed recipients" and grow his list in the process?

Needless to say, he doesn't really need a drummer; he's just mining data. He's a thinker, a collector, an aggregator, a demographer. He's a number-cruncher with an insatiable thirst for knowledge. He gathers information, digests it, and hungers for more. Like the desperate players he's targeting, he simply wants to be fed.

Have a question for Mr. P.C.? Ask him.

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