Mr. P.C.'s Guide to Jazz Etiquette and Bandstand Decorum
Inspired by the cutting edge advice of Abigail Van Buren, the storied bass playing of Paul Chambers, and the need for a Politically Correct doctrine for navigating the minefields of jazz etiquette, I humbly offer my services.
Melisma, AI, and the Bivalve Mollusk
by Mr. P.C.
Melisma Dear Mr. P.C.: Melisma. I know it's something vocalists do, but no one will tell me exactly what it is or why some people really don't like it. --Henry Of West Lafayette Dear HOWL: Melisma is a progressive and incurable disease, but with treatment, its effects can be ameliorated. It begins as harmless ornamentation, then grows exponentially; in extreme cases, the vocalist is completely unable to let go of a ...
Continue ReadingHandpicking, Homicide, and Healing
by Mr. P.C.
Handpicking Dear Mr. P.C.: You know when people say, “I didn't choose jazz; it chose me?" Well, who or what did jazz choose them from? What makes them so special? --Pro-Choice Joyce Dear PCJ: Obviously, the talent pool varies from one draft round to the next, so some mediocre players can slip through in off cycles, while even very good players don't make the cut in others. If Jazz doesn't ...
Continue ReadingHold Music, Chord Changes, and Undisclosed Recipients
by Mr. P.C.
Hold MusicDear Mr. P.C.: When I call a business and get put on hold, it seems like they usually have jazz as their hold music. Here's the thing: I don't usually like jazz (can I admit that to you?), but the jazz they play is really good! Where can I find live jazz bands that play like that? --Happy to be Held Dear Happy: It's not that there aren't jazz groups playing ...
Continue ReadingLet's Give the Singer Some!
by Mr. P.C.
Dear Mr. P.C.: We recently played a trio gig backing a vocalist. She announced to the audience, “And now the boys are going to do an instrumental number." She quietly asked us what we would play, and we said, “When You're Smiling." She immediately told the audience, “They're going to play 'When I'm Smiling.'" Is it true the world revolves around singers? --The Boys Dear TB: Follow the science: For centuries, everyone ...
Continue ReadingExcessive Chops, Antagonistic CDs, and the Malevolent Inner Voice
by Mr. P.C.
Excessive ChopsDear Mr. P.C.: It seems like people don't really value chops anymore. Cats want their solos to be “thoughtful" with lots of space between notes and lines, and I know most of them only play that way because it's all they've got. To me, big spaces are just missed opportunities. I have chops; am I wrong to want to use them? --Can't Handle Others Playing Sparsely Dear CHOPS: After all the ...
Continue ReadingPlaying Bad for Good, On Being Yourself, Communal Coating
by Mr. P.C.
Playing Bad for Good Dear Mr. P.C.: Here's the thing: Whenever I play a recording session and listen to the playback afterward, it's never as good or as bad as I thought. Meaning: If I thought I played great, I wind up being disappointed. But if I thought I played terribly, I wind up being relieved. With that in mind, would it be out of line next time I record to deliberately play in a way ...
Continue ReadingWho's Gotta Right to Sing the Blues?, The Cost of Living is Dying, and The Deadly Chorus Equation
by Mr. P.C.
Who's Gotta Right to Sing the Blues?Dear Mr. P.C.: About that song “I Gotta Right to Sing the Blues." What gives someone the right? Can it be taken away? --Teal Dear Teal: What gives someone the right to sing the blues is mastery of blues theory, including all commonly used chord substitutions and alternate forms. They must also have a strong command of rhythmic vocabulary, whether in 4/4, 6/8, or ...
Continue ReadingOld Folks
by Mr. P.C.
Dear Mr. P.C.: I'm part of the older generation, players in our seventies and eighties. We're hoping to stay involved, but then there's the elephant in the room: The meds we take. In real life they make us feel better and in some cases ward off diseases. But in our musical life some make us rush and others make us slow down. So the first thing I want to know when I get to a gig ...
Continue ReadingLast Notes, List Notes, Lost Dollars
by Mr. P.C.
Last Notes Dear Mr. P.C.: I've heard people say “Play every note as if it's your last." But wouldn't your last note sound pretty weak, since you'd be dying? --Trembling Timmy Dear TT: The problem isn't that you're going to die, much as you might want to. Your last note is the note you just played, right? So if you play every note like it's your last, you'll be stuck playing the ...
Continue ReadingFluid Start Times, Desert Island Recordings, and Personal Growth
by Mr. P.C.
Fluid Start TimesDear Mr. P.C.: When a member of the band you lead has a history of showing up late for your gigs, is it morally wrong to give them a “start time" an hour early to be safe? --Jeff Dear Jeff: That will work exactly once, after which they'll do the math, make the adjustment, and get right back to showing up late. From there all you can do is keep ...
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