Fluid Start Times, Desert Island Recordings, and Personal Growth

Fluid Start Times

Dear Mr. P.C.:

When a member of the band you lead has a history of showing up late for your gigs, is it morally wrong to give them a "start time" an hour early to be safe?

—Jeff

Dear Jeff:

That will work exactly once, after which they'll do the math, make the adjustment, and get right back to showing up late. From there all you can do is keep moving the "start time" forward another hour for each new gig. But at a certain point you'll be telling them to show up the day before your gig, and that's where you run into trouble: What if they're already booked that day?

Desert Island Recordings

Dear Mr. P.C.:

My friends talk about "desert island" jazz recordings, meaning their favorites they'd want to have if they were stranded away from humanity. I've got my list too. But would there actually be an audio system there? Wouldn't food and shelter be more important?

—Landlubber

Dear Landlubber:

What is a "desert island"? Aren't islands supposed to be surrounded by water? Don't deserts by definition have no water? The hard truth is that an island in the desert is nothing but more desert. No food, water or shelter, and certainly no audio system.

Your "friends" are mocking you, Landlubber. There are no desert islands, and you have no real friends. Your life, as you know it, is simply a mirage. I'm so sorry.

Personal Growth

Dear Mr. P.C.:

How do you diplomatically turn down a gig when the sole reason you don't want it is that the band is awful?

—Disgruntled Drummer

Dear DD:

You always have two choices: play with musicians worse than you and elevate their music, or play with musicians better than you and drag them down. From a moral perspective the choice is obvious.

Musicians are often advised to surround themselves with the best players available, but that's utterly selfish, using "personal growth" as an excuse to degrade the music.

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