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Holiday Gift Guide 2001
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
The holiday season is upon us once again, kids, and it is time once again to repeat those yearly rituals that we call tradition. These are the things that we do Christmas after Christmas that build a Pavlovian reflex of holiday cheer. Mention egg nog and mistletoe to the average individual, and immediately they will begin ...
Farce-inatin' Rhythm
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
For the past several months, we've been discussing some of the principal instruments of jazz. Mostly, we've been discussing the glamorous instruments, the pretty-boy instruments that get all the press and attract the best groupies. Have you ever seen a vibraphone groupie? You may, among first-time jazz groupies, sure. But they usually move on to following ...
Ebony and Ivory and Ted and Alice
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
Let's recap what we've learned so far, kids: Okay, now that we have that out of the way, let's continue with our exploration of the instruments that have made jazz what it is today, the people who have made those instruments make jazz what it is today, and the alcoholic beverages that made those ...
Terror in G-Sharp
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
Welcome to Cap'n Genius' Jazz Funhouse, kids, for another month of thrills, chills, an authoritative history of the saxophone and those who have made the instrument the representative voice of jazz, and then some more chills. Followed by a light supper, a little TV, and then straight to bed with you. But then.
Bix, Bubber, and the Giant Lollipop of the Apocalypse
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
I think we know each other well enough now for me to take you into my confidence and share with you all of the deepest, darkest secrets of jazz. Of course, I can't do it here , where powerful forces may conspire to silence me before the truth can come out. So each and every one ...
Revenge of the Return of the Son of Ken Burns' "Jazz"
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
If you have been following this column (maintaining a proper distance of two car-lengths), then you know that I have spent the last two months giving a brief overview of the history of jazz. This is part of the overall mission of the Genius Guide, and AAJ in general, to raise the knowledge level of the ...
Rondo
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
When last we left our beloved jazz, Bird and Monk were trapped in an abandoned mine shaft and Lassie was on her way to Sheriff Diz's to get help, but not before stopping to help young Miles and Billie win the twist contest down at the malt shop. Meanwhile, Uncle Louis was helping little Chick get ...
Prelude
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
If you know anything about me at all, you know that I love jazz. And the company of willowy redheads of questionable repute, but that is neither here nor there and I'll thank you to mind your own damned business (unless, of course, you are a willowy redhead of questionable repute, in which case you may ...
The Blues: Black Twice
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
“If you're white and play the blues, you're black once. If you're black and play the blues, you're black twice."--B.B. King Upon arriving at the Geniusdome by funicular, after the customary delousing and body cavity search, you'd be welcomed into the anteroom for a cocktail, conversation, and more delousing. “Louse-free since '03" is more ...
The Blues: Black Once
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
One steamy summer night in 1930 outside of Clarksdale, Mississippi, a young man with a guitar stands at the intersections of highways 49 and 61 at midnight. He waits for a while, then a long black car pulls up. The driver is a dark man with soulless eyes and a terrible, snarling grin. The young man ...
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