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Take Me Out to the Ballgame
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
As a licensed, board certified Genius, it goes without saying that I have a wide and eclectic range of interests. From World War I to Shakespeare, from Jazz to a vast array of world cuisines, from the supervolcano underneath Yellowstone Park to the upper 2/3s of actress Kat Dennings. I am a man of many parts. ...
Making A Jazz Blockbuster
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
Reprinted from June 2005. Hey kids, summer will soon be upon us like Julie Kaiser in 10th grade; long, hot and filled with endless entertainment possibilities. So let's make a jazz-themed summer blockbuster movie. It'll be fun, educational, bring newfound attention to jazz, and might just earn us all enough money to plunge ourselves ...
Old and Improved
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
It should come as no surprise to those of you who follow this column religiously (welcome members of St. Bud's and Our Lady of Perpetual Drinking) that Your Own Personal Genius must, from time to time, step away from his post at AAJ to recharge his creative batteries. While this happens less often than it used ...
The 9% Solution
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
Recently, as I was doing my extensive research for these little excursions, I was on my way to the refrigerator for another bottle of inspiration when I happened to overhear a report that stated pop music accounted for only 9% of all record sales. Frankly, I was stunned. All of the fawning media attention given to ...
How to Listen to Jazz
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
After surviving a near-fatal marriage and returning once again to the Original Geniusdome, the site of some of my best work (remember that really funny thing I wrote about jazz that time?), I recently took some time to reflect upon my contributions to Our Music. As the Dean of American Jazz Humorists©®, I have long considered ...
Who Listens to Jazz
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
There is an old Indian legend about several blind men examining an elephant. Each examines a different part of the creature and comes to a completely dissimilar conclusion as to what it is. Then the elephant, in a state of musth, stomps the helpless bastards to death to get at a '67 VW Microbus he mistakes ...
The Day the Music Died
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
On one of my infrequent trips outside the 'Dome recently, I stopped at a convenience store for a cold Coke Zero when I noticed a man about my age (48. 52, in heels) driving a red 1988 Pontiac Trans Am and blasting Whitesnake's “Here I Go Again" on his car stereo. He wore Zubaz workout pants ...
The Loneliest Monk
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
This article was first published in August 2005. This is an apocryphal story. During Bill Clinton's first presidential campaign, he was doing an interview with supposed intellectual, Tabitha Soren of MTV. Soren asked him if there was anything he dreamt of doing. Clinton replied that he had always wanted to play sax with Thelonious ...
AAJ @ 20
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
If you think back over the past twenty years (not right now. You have this article to read yet), you'd realize that we are living in one of the most remarkable times in human history. The Internet has brought the entire world to our fingertips, and has given every cat on the face of the earth ...
An Evening With the Pops, Part II or, Louis Louis, We Gotta Go Now
by Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius
Well, kids, when last we left Louis Armstrong; he had solidified his place as America's first legitimate jazz superstar on the basis of his seminal recordings with his Hot Five and Hot Seven ensembles, was married to a legumicidal maniac and trusting his fortunes to a mobbed-up dandy who shared his neckwear with Al Capone. There ...
