Learn How

We need your help in 2018

Support All About Jazz All About Jazz is looking for 1,000 backers to help fund our 2018 projects that directly support jazz. You can make this happen by purchasing ad space or by making a donation to our fund drive. In addition to completing every project (listed here), we'll also hide all Google ads and present exclusive content for a full year!

183

Her Ocean

Wayne Wolfson By

Sign in to view read count
Moody night thoughts —Image Rich Musings
The two words you ache for the most are also the hardest (to find).
The clouds rolled back, a burlesque shows curtains rising for the matinee. That big stupid animal waiting to devour me, the crowd waiting. Waiting A bird flew by, I had seen the wires attached to its wings.
Indifferent, they clap.
She would be back. She always came back, sometimes looking different. The first few times I had asked her where she was, where she had been.
"Shhh, just play your horn."
I got back at her though. No, not the smacks, those did not mean anything either way. I simply stopped asking. It's what she wanted and it hurt her.
She was not around enough to realize one of the floor boards in the hall creaked. It always had.
The creak, the flip of the switch and Manha de Carnaval.
Even in complete absence of light I could play it well. Always the same ritual.
She would drape her jacket over the back of the chair. I would move it, but just a little. Thinking she knew where it was, a miss, fumbling in the dark.
Now the blouse was unbuttoned. It rested on the chair. A soft, warm silken skin whose color was fading.
She lay on her back, blowing smoke rings which I tried to pierce with final notes, up at the ceiling.
"Is anyone coming over?"
She always asked, but by now she knew I did not like people, at least not anybody living. All my heroes were dead.
All any of us could hope for was distraction.
Steady. Feet in the small of my back, the scent of vodka, tobacco, the scent of ruin. Promises murmured with closed eyes. True, but only for that moment.
Muscles contract, it's heaven. Fleeting. Heaven, momentary and then exile.
The music was a distraction too, but that at least mattered. It had to.
There was a semblance of control too. A give and take that did not seem so tawdry. The cold mouthpiece always warmed. I had to have it and she worked with me.
On an inspired night I would oil the valves and let my fingers dance. We would tickle the dawn. The last song a repeat of the first, but no one seemed to notice.
She always came back. It always came back, the pain of loneliness, a fire kept stoked by the accompanying embarrassment.
The two words you ache for most are also the hardest.
Good bye.

Tags

comments powered by Disqus

More Articles

Read The Fire in Coltrane’s Lungs Jazz Poetry The Fire in Coltrane’s Lungs
by Larry Jaffe
Published: August 2, 2014
Read Kissing Cousins: Jazz + poetry = jazz poetry Jazz Poetry Kissing Cousins: Jazz + poetry = jazz poetry
by Jeff Winke
Published: May 1, 2014
Read The Answer is Jim Jazz Poetry The Answer is Jim
by William DeLancey Adamson
Published: December 11, 2013
Read Birds with Long Red Tails Jazz Poetry Birds with Long Red Tails
by Adriana Carcu
Published: October 28, 2012
Read Poetry in Motian Jazz Poetry Poetry in Motian
by William DeLancey Adamson
Published: November 23, 2011
Read Black Sage (for Henry Grimes) Jazz Poetry Black Sage (for Henry Grimes)
by Gordon Marshall
Published: July 17, 2011
Read "Bergamo Jazz Festival 2017" Live Reviews Bergamo Jazz Festival 2017
by Francesco Martinelli
Published: April 14, 2017
Read "Chasing Trane: The John Coltrane Documentary" DVD/Film Reviews Chasing Trane: The John Coltrane Documentary
by Victor L. Schermer
Published: July 4, 2017
Read "Passion, Grace and Fire" The Vinyl Post Passion, Grace and Fire
by C. Andrew Hovan
Published: October 15, 2017
Read "Allan Holdsworth: The Man Who Changed Guitar Forever!" Extended Analysis Allan Holdsworth: The Man Who Changed Guitar Forever!
by John Kelman
Published: April 17, 2017
Read "Stanley Jordan at Tabarka Jazz Festival 2017" In Pictures Stanley Jordan at Tabarka Jazz Festival 2017
by Andrea Rotili
Published: August 9, 2017
Read "New, Notable and Nearly Missed" Multiple Reviews New, Notable and Nearly Missed
by Phil Barnes
Published: January 25, 2017

Support All About Jazz's Future

We need your help and we have a deal. Contribute $20 and we'll hide the six Google ads that appear on every page for a full year!