The Trump Files

He has raised about $75 million so far this year through his Save America PAC, money ostensibly earmarked for his campaign to reverse the results of the 2020 presidential election and thus "Save America" from the lying, thieving Democrats. So far, the plan has been working beautifully—beautifully for Trump, that is. None of the $75 million has gone to "stop the steal." In fact, most of it has gone to a "steel vault" that houses the former president's sorely needed assets. The rest has been used to pay for Trump's personal expenses including travel, legal costs and staff. His gullible supporters, bless their misguided hearts, have been extorted—pardon, exhorted—by Trump's shills to "join the fight to SECURE OUR ELECTIONS!" And so the money keeps flowing in while the former con man-in-chief lays siege to the nearest golf course and plans his next swindle. Besides death and taxes, we can add to the sure things in life the truism that as long as there is one last pigeon in the park, Trump will be there to pluck its feathers.

August 3, 2021

After enduring four years of president "me first," many Americans may have forgotten what real leadership looks like. Fortunately, they have US Rep Cori Bush (D-MO) to remind them. With a national eviction moratorium set to expire at the end of July, and none of our elected "leaders" in Washington willing to let that interfere with an August recess and the rush back to their comfy, eviction-proof homes, Rep Bush, who herself was once a homeless person living in a car with her two children, spent the weekend of July 31-August 1 sleeping on the steps of the US Capitol. "Many of my Democratic colleagues chose to go on vacation early... rather than staying [here] to vote to keep people in their homes. I'll be sleeping outside the Capitol tonight. We've still got work to do."

There is a bill pending in the House, HR 4791, the "Protecting Renters from Evictions Act of 2021." If Congress does not act now, Rep Bush said, "the fallout of the eviction crisis will undoubtedly set us backward as the Covid-19 pandemic continues to ravish our communities." She then invited other lawmakers to join in her overnight protest. Any takers? Well, she did receive messages of support from Reps Ilhan Omar (D-MN) and Ayanna Pressley (D-MA), and later from Sen Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) and Rep Jim McGovern (D-MA), so that's a start. But no one chose to swap a warm bed for a sleeping bag. On Monday, Rep Bush tweeted, "This morning felt cold, like the wind was blowing straight through my sleeping bag." In response, many lawmakers pulled the blankets higher around their shoulders while others adjusted their thermostats.

Did Rep Bush change any minds? That's hardly likely. To her colleagues on the other side of the aisle, she's no doubt simply another homeless person—and a black one at that—and should be treated as such. In other words, she and her one-woman protest can wait until vacation is over. There's really no hurry, as those millions who face the possibility of eviction clearly deserve no better. And roughly forty percent of them are so clueless they'll no doubt vote Republican no matter how hard that party tries to demean them and brush aside their humanity. Sorry, Rep Bush; the only way you're likely to draw any interest from your fellow legislators is to hang upside down, blindfolded and handcuffed like Harry Houdini, before being thrown headfirst into the Potomac River. And as you hit the water, be prepared to hear GOP lawmakers shouting, "See? We TOLD you it was a stunt!"

Meanwhile...

Rumor has it that former president Acquisitive 1 is gearing up for another run at the presidency in 2024. And why shouldn't he? In the first half of this year he was handed more than $100 million for his war chest, most of it in checks written by people who are so discombobulated they may as well be living on Mars. "Greatest job I ever had," Trump was heard boasting to a mirror at his Mar-a-Lago resort. "I got to watch Fox News all day, golf whenever I wanted, order everyone around at will, spend other people's money instead of my own, break any law or rule I damn pleased, tie Pelosi and the Dems in knots, and best of all, I never had to do a lick of work for cash, and still don't... I just ask for more, and people can't send it to me fast enough! It's like having my own personal GoFundMe account but with no limit on how much I can squeeze out of the suckers. If I thought I could keep the con going forever I wouldn't even bother to run. But I have to give the schnooks a carrot at the end of the stick to keep 'em wanting more and willing to shell out their last nickel to 'Save America.' What a racket! I wish I'd put my chips on the table years ago! Could have saved myself a lot of grief—and I'd have been president-for-life by now! Oh, well... no use crying over lost boodle. Best to look ahead, to elections 'in the bag' and millions 'in the bank.' So en garde, Sleepy Joe... Swindler Trump is comin' atcha in '24!"

August 10, 2021

The following is a public service announcement:

A group of investigative reporters at CNN—bless their socialist, left-leaning hearts—has pieced together a timeline of former president huckster's high-handed and ultimately futile efforts to overturn the results of the 2020 presidential election in Georgia. To say they were "deranged" is to do a disservice to the word deranged. The timeline is divided into five phases:

• Trump loses Georgia;
• Certification crisis;
• Ramped up rhetoric;
• Legal gambits; and
• Desperate measures.

...Which include the former commander-in-conspiracy's sixty-two-minute phone "debate" on January 2 with Georgia secretary of state (and fellow Republican) Brad Raffensperger in which Trump uses every rhetorical and underhanded device in his vast storehouse of preposterous subterfuge to try and coax Raffensperger into "finding" a measly 11,780 votes in his favor so he could turn Georgia red again and declare himself the winner in that state's election. Rather than pass judgment on the swindler-in-chief's arguments, we'll simply note that after listening to the conversation, Lt Commander Philip Queeg, captain of the USS Caine (of "Caine Mutiny" fame), summed it up this way: "And they called ME crazy..."

Your move, Trump:

..."if we could just go over some of the numbers I think's it's pretty clear that we won... we won very substantially in Georgia... you even see it by rally size, frankly... we'd be getting 25-30,000 people per rally and the competition would get less than a hundred people. It never made sense. But we have a number of things... we had anywhere from 250-300,000 ballots dropped mysteriously into the rolls... much of that had to do with Fulton County, which hasn't been checked... We think that if you check the signatures, [do] a real check of the signatures going back in Fulton County you'll find at least a couple hundred thousand forged signatures...

"Another tremendous number... we're gonna have an accurate number over the next two days... in the 50s of thousands... that's people who went to vote and they were told they can't vote because they've already been voted for. And it's a very sad thing. But they walked out complaining... the number's large but we'll have it for you... but it's much larger than the number of 11,779 that's... the current margin is 11,779..at least that's the number that everyone agrees on... that's the difference in the votes...

"We had, um, I believe it's 4,502 voters who voted but who weren't on the voter registration roll, which they had to be. You had 18,325 vacant address voters. They had no... the address was vacant, and they're not allowed to be counted. That's 18,325. A smaller number... you had 804 where they only voted... they had only a post office box number, and that's not allowed."

Sensing that his numerical argument wasn't scoring many points, former president above-board quickly moved into the realm of fraud, an area in which he is seen as one of the world's foremost exponents (pardon, experts):

"We had at least 18,000... that's on tape, we had 'em counted... having to do with (name bleeped)... she's a vote-scammer, a professional vote-scammer... vote hustler. That was the case that's been shown all over the world that makes everybody look bad—you, me and everybody else. Where they got... number one, it has been reported very clearly and it's been reported that they said there was a major water main break, everybody fled the area and then they came back—(bleep), her daughter and a few people. There were no Republican poll-watchers... actually there were no Democrat poll-watchers... and there was no law enforcement. Late in the morning... early in the morning, they went to the table with the black robe, the black shield, and they pulled out the votes. Those votes were put there a number of hours before the table was put there. I think it was... Brad [Raffensperger], I think you would know, it was probably eight hours, seven hours before, and then it was stuffed with the votes. They weren't in an official voter box. They were in what looked to be suitcases... trunks... suitcases!... but they weren't in voter boxes. The minimum number it could be, because we watched it, certified... in slow motion, instant replay if you can believe it... and it was magnified many times over... and the minimum was 18,000 ballots, all for Biden."

"You had out-of-state voters... they voted in Georgia but were from out of state... of 4,925. You had absentee ballots sent to vacant... they were absentee ballots sent to vacant addresses. They had nothing on 'em about addresses. That's 2,326. And you had drop boxes, which was very bad... drop boxes that were picked up... we have photographs and we have affidavits from many people... you have drop boxes where the box was picked up and not delivered for three days. So all sorts of things could have happened to that box including putting in the votes that you wanted. "So there are many infractions, and the bottom line is many many times the 11,779-vote margin that they said we lost by. The state is in turmoil over this, and I know you would like to get to the bottom of it... People have been saying it was the highest vote ever, there was no way... a lot of the political people have been saying that there's no way they beat me... As you know, we won every state, we won every state house in the country. We held the senate, which is shocking to people, although we'll see what happens tomorrow [Democrats won both senate seats in that delayed election] and we won the house...

"But politicians in every state... politicians in Georgia have given affidavits, and are going to, that there was no way they beat me in the election, that the people came out... in fact, they were expecting to lose and they ended up winning by a lot because of the coat-tails, and they said there's no way, they had done many polls prior and there's no way that they won. Ballots were dropped in massive numbers, and we're trying to get to those numbers and we will have them; they'll take a period of time... certified... but they're massive numbers. And they're far greater than the 11,779..."

To buttress his already impenetrable argument, Trump then paraphrased Eric Idle ("bring out your dead!") in Monty Python and the Holy Grail):

"And the other thing: dead people. Dead people voted, and I think the number is close to 5,000 people (Raffensberger says the actual number is two). The bottom line is, when you add it all up, and then you start adding, you know, 300,000 fake ballots...then the other thing they said is in Fulton County and other areas, and this may nor may not...because this just came up this morning, that they are burning their ballots, that they are shredding...shredding ballots and removing equipment... they are changing equipment on the Dominion machines... and that's not legal. And they supposedly shredded 300 pounds of... 3,000 pounds of ballots. And that just came to us as a report today... and you know, it's just a sad situation...

"But Brad, if you took the minimum numbers we're many times above the 11,779... Those are numbers that are there, they exist, and they beat the margin... the margin of loss. And they beat it, I mean, by a lot. And people should be happy to have an accurate count instead of an election where there's turmoil... And you're not the only one. We have other states that I believe will be flipping to us very shortly."

A rigged election, yes, but what a marvelous turnout! Even those dead people kept showing up!

"In Detroit, we had... I think it was 139 percent of the people voted. Uh, that's not too good. In Pennsylvania, they had well over 200,000 more votes than they had people voting. That doesn't play too well... But there were other things that also were almost as bad as that. They had as an example in Michigan a tremendous number of dead people that voted. I think it was... 18,000 or some unbelievably high number, much higher than [in Georgia]. And that was checked out laboriously by going through the obituary columns in the newspapers. And the provisional ballots... you'll have to tell me about the provisional ballots... a lot of people that were complaining that they were unable to vote because they were already voted for... and these are great people. And uh, you know, they were shell-shocked...

"So that's it. We have many many times the number of votes necessary to win the state. And we won the state, and we won it very substantially and easily, and we're getting... you know, much of this is certified, they're very certified... far more certified than we need. But we're getting additional numbers certified too. And we're getting pictures of drop boxes being delivered, and delivered late... and delivered three days late in some areas... plus we have many affidavits to that effect...

"And don't forget about the strawberry ice cream..." [Editor's note: we made that one up]

After some back-and-forth between the secretary of state and Trump's chief of staff, Mark Meadows, former president would-you-buy-a-used-car-from-this-man restated his numerical case in even more blusterous and forceful terms, to which Raffensperger calmly responded: "Mr President, the challenge you have is that the data you have is wrong."

Stunned by the swift counter-punch, Trump was down but not out.

Referring again to the mystery dumpstress, Trump bellowed, "She stuffed the ballot boxes! Let's face it, Brad... I mean, they did it in slow-motion replay, magnified, right? She stuffed the ballot boxes! They were stuffed like nobody's ever seen 'em stuffed before! Each ballot went three times... We have a new tape that we're going to release. It's devastating! And by the way, that one event... that one event is much more than the 11,000 votes that we're talkin' about..."

After Rafffensperger tried to explain that the tape to which Trump referred had been "sliced and diced" by Rudy Giuliani and others and taken out of context, former president Conspiracist 1 returned to his arguments about broken water mains, the absence of poll-watchers and security guards, and bogus ballots hidden under a table in suitcases. The ballot boxes, he said, had definitely been stuffed, adding (to Raffensperger) that "you'd have to be a child to think anything other than that... just a child."

"Oh, there's no place like home for the polling place..." (courtesy of Perry Como)

And how about those voters who moved out of state, registered to vote in Georgia, and then, said Trump, "they moved back in and they voted... It doesn't sound like a very normal... you mean they moved out of Georgia and missed it so much they wanted to move back in?" As Raffensperger tried to explain, most of those voters had moved back to Georgia years ago, not shortly before the 2020 election. Even so, Trump insisted, "I won this election by hundreds of thousands of votes. There's no way I lost Georgia. There's no way! We won by hundreds of thousands of votes. I'm just going by small numbers; when you add 'em up they're much more than the 11,000. But I won that state by hundreds of thousands of votes..." Never one to understate the gravity of the moment, Trump then cut straight to the chase: "W-e-e-ll, ya got trouble, my friends; yes, I said trouble right here in Fulton County..." [Okay, we made that up too].

But as Trump was quick to point out, we should by no means overlook Fulton County: "Do you think it's possible that they shredded ballots? Because that's what the rumor is," the gossiper-in-chief declared. After a digression to discuss Dominion voting machines and the possibility they are "replacing inner parts" with new ones, Trump observed that the contention that ballots weren't being shredded in Fulton County "doesn't pass the smell test...because we hear they're shredding thousands and thousands of ballots and they say, 'oh, we're just cleaning up the office' [a reference to shredding that was looked into in nearby Cobb County]."

Having failed to move the needle with that approach, Trump decided to appeal to Raffensperger's party loyalty: ..."you should want to have an accurate election. And you're a Republican..." When Raffensberger says "we believe we have an accurate election," the statistician-in-chief replies, "No, you don't. You're off by hundreds of thousands of votes, and you're even off on these small numbers." Recognizing that the secretary of state remained unmoved, Trump decided to play his time-honored ace in the hole...because when all else fails, there's always good old whipping post Stacey Abrams.

"Stacy...in my opinion, Stacey is as dishonest as they come. She has outplayed you at every heart (sic)...at everything. She got you to sign a totally unconstitutional agreement...which is a disastrous agreement. You can't check signatures, you can't do...I can't imagine...you're allowed to do harvesting I guess in that agreement...that agreement is a disaster for this country! But she got you somehow to sign that thing...and she's...she's outsmarted you at every step...That consent decree is a disaster...it's a disaster! A very good lawyer who looked at it said they'd never seen anything like it....

"Look, here's the problem: we can go through signature verification and we'll find hundreds of thousands of signatures if you'll let us do it...and the only way you can do that—as you know—is to go to the past, and you didn't do that in Cobb County; you just looked at one page compared to another. The only way you can do a signature verification is to go from the one who signed it on November whatever—recently—and compare it to two years ago, four years ago, six years ago, y'know—or even one—and you'll find that you have many different signatures. But in Fulton, where they dumped ballots, you'll find that you have many that aren't even signed, and you have many that are forgeries—okay? You know that, you know that...you have no doubt about that. And you'll find...you'll be at 11,779 within minutes. Because Fulton County is totally corrupt, and so is she [Stacey Abrams] totally corrupt."

And do you really want to be a puppet, with Abrams pulling the strings?

"They're going around playing you, and laughing behind your back, Brad. Whether you know it or not, they're laughing at you. And you've taken a state that's a Republican state and you've made it almost impossible for a Republican to win because of cheating—and they cheated like nobody's ever cheated before...We have some incredible talent, said they'd never seen anything...now the problem is they need more time for the big numbers, but they're very substantial numbers, but...and I think you're going to find that they, uh...and by the way, a little information—I think you're going to find that they are shredding ballots, because they have to get rid of the ballots 'cause the ballots are unsigned, the ballots are corrupt. And they're brand new, and they don't have seals, and there's a whole thing with the ballots...but the ballots are corrupt. And you're going to find that they are—which is totally illegal. And it's more illegal for you than it is for them because you know what they did and you're not reporting it. That's a...you know, that's a criminal offense, and you can't let that happen, that's—that's a big risk to you and your lawyer... that's a big risk.

"But they are shredding ballots, in my opinion, based on what I've heard, and they are removing machinery, and uh, they are removing it as fast as they can—both of which are criminal fines, and you can't let it happen, and you are letting it happen—you know, I mean I'm notifying you that you're letting it happen. All I want to do is this: all I want is to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have. Because we won the state, and flipping the state is a great testament to our country. Because, you know, it's just... it's a testament that they can admit to a mistake—or whatever you want to call it, if it was a mistake; I don't know. A lot of people think it wasn't a mistake, it was much more criminal than that...

"But it's a big problem in Georgia, and it's not a problem that's going away...I mean, you know, it's not a problem that's going away... You'd better look at the ballots, because they are shredding ballots... and, uh, you should look at that very carefully because that's so illegal, y'know. You may not even believe it because it's so bad... [but] we'll eventually get into Fulton, y'know. In my opinion... it's my opinion that it's never too late. So that's the story... 'cause look, we need only 11,000 votes. We have far more than that, as it stands now, and we'll have more and more..."

Trump then asked Raffensperger about provisional ballots, which he alleged were almost all "made out to the name Trump." And "what about that batch of military ballots that came in, and even though I won the military by a lot, it was a hundred percent Trump, you know—I mean, a hundred percent Biden. Do you know about that? A large group of ballots came in, I think it was to Fulton County, and they just happened to be a hundred percent for Trump, even though—for Biden!—even though Trump won the military [vote] by a lot—you know, a tremendous amount—but these ballots were a hundred percent for Biden. And—did you know about that? A very substantial number came in, all for Biden...Does anybody know about it?"

Yes, Trump repeated, the military votes were "one hundred percent for Biden," adding, "that's criminal. Y'know? That's criminal. That's another of the many criminal...many criminal events here. I don't know...look, Brad, I have to find 12,000 votes—and I have them—times a lot —and therefore I won the state. I just...I don't know why you don't want to have the votes counted as they are..."

Having lost the argument on "logical" grounds, former president art-of-the-deal was in the end reduced to whimpering and pleading:

"So what are we gonna do here, folks? I only need 11,000 votes! Fellas, I need 11,000 votes...gimme a break! Y'know we have that in spades already...So Brad, tell me, what are we gonna do? We won the election, and it's not fair to take it away from us like this. And it's gonna be very costly, in many ways, and I think you have to say that you're gonna re-examine it, and you can re-examine it—but re-examine it with people who want to find answers, not people that don't want to find answers. Your numbers aren't right, they're really wrong...and they're really wrong, Brad..."

And then, as if Trump were somehow visited by the angel of truth and wisdom, he actually said, perhaps out of desperation, something absolutely level-headed: "I know this phone call isn't going anywhere, other than ultimately... y'know... ultimately I win [well, not completely level-headed]... because you guys are so wrong, and you've treated the population of Georgia so badly... between you and your governor who was down... he was down at twenty-one points, and like a schmuck I endorsed him and he got elected. But I will tell you, he's a disaster, and I can't imagine...the people in Georgia are so angry I can't imagine he's ever getting elected again, I can tell you that right now.

"But why wouldn't you want to find the right answer, Brad, instead of keep saying that your numbers are right? Because those numbers are so wrong... I'm not looking to shake up the whole world. We won Georgia easily, we won it by hundreds of thousands of votes, but if you go by basic simple numbers we won it easily...we don't need to prove it any more than we already have."

One thing the written word could never convey is the escalating tone of desperation coupled with sheer braggadocio in the former commander-in-b.s.'s voice as he badgers, cajoles, threatens and pleads with Raffensperger and others to change the vote because he is right and they are wrong. It's an entreaty totally lacking in substance, but one that Trump sells more vigorously than he has any parcel of real estate in his life. Because more than anything, Trump has to prove—if only to himself—that he has never "lost" an election, in Georgia or anywhere else, that wasn't "rigged" in favor of his opponent.

Of course, everyone now knows (and at least sixty percent of Americans believe) that despite his reasonable and persuasive arguments, Trump lost the election in Georgia—and he lost by 11,779 votes. Nevertheless, the beat goes on in Arizona, where former president never-say-die hopes his hyper-loyal Cyber Ninjas can manage to erase a 457-vote deficit and drop eleven more electoral votes in his "win" column. That would be 243 down, only twenty-seven more to go. "Hey, wait a minute...Pennsylvania's still in play! That means twenty likely votes...so we're not out of this yet, guys!...Quick, get me Pennsylvania's secretary of state on the phone...!"

August 13, 2021

It was only a matter of time (inevitable, actually) before someone, sniffing around for enough cash to enable former president Donald J (for "just an ordinary Joe") Trump to maintain the gold-plated lifestyle he has always enjoyed and to which he feels entitled, to come up with the idea of the "Trump Card."

What is the Trump Card? Well, to begin with, it looks almost exactly like a credit card (and performs almost like one too, which we'll get to in a moment). And there are not one but four of them—that is, there are four separate designs, at least one of which pays passing homage to the Nazi party. Each card is (auto) signed by Trump, and each one bears an ID number and the notation "Member Since 2021."

Why four designs? I'm glad you asked. According to the former president's hyper-active Save America PAC, its representatives "met with the president (there's no 'former' in their vocabulary) in his Florida office and showed him four designs. Originally we were planning on releasing just one design, but when president Trump saw the cards on his desk, he said, 'These are BEAUTIFUL. We should let the American people decide—they ALWAYS know best!'" (as they proved in the 2020 presidential election).

So "the people" are being asked to "vote" for one of the four designs—and here is where the Trump Card more closely resembles a credit card, as the link to choose a design herds the sheep to a fund-raising page, where they are asked to funnel cash (or checks, cryptocurrency —whatever they have) directly into their demigod's waiting pockets.

Trump Cards, the PAC says, are to be carried "by Patriots all around the country" as a token of their "dedicated support of our movement to SAVE AMERICA," and will be reserved "for president Trump's STRONGEST supporters..." (defined as "anyone with cash on hand, in a bank or under a mattress who has a burning desire to Save Trump...that is, to Save America").

Of course, carrying a Trump Card is purely voluntary—at the moment. That could change in 2024 depending on which way the cards fall. Should Trump somehow manage to remove the word "former" from his presidential resume, Trump Cards could conceivably replace credit cards used to pay for health care coverage, mortgages, school tuition, air travel, bank transactions, and—even more ominously—payment at restaurants, bars, department stores, movie theatres, concerts, sporting events, amusement parks and other venues frequented by the public. So long VISA, Master Card, American Express and even PayPal!—welcome to a new "Pal" named Donald ("grease my palm") Trump and his ubiquitous Card. Naturally, a tiny part of each Trump Card transaction would be withheld to reimburse its creator (yes, he would take credit for that too), with much of the rest allocated to underwrite tax cuts for Trump's friends and allies in the upper 1 percent. And not one of those card-carrying "patriots" would believe that his or her "rights" or "liberties" were being infringed upon. "It's only a card—not a bleeping mask or vaccine!"

So in 2024, fellow citizens, please vote like your credit cards depended on it! Remember, the only way to beat a "Trump Card" is with a "full house" at every polling place.

But what's behind the frantic scramble to raise more GOP cash?

Setting aside the fact that Trump spends far more than he has (and who would have the balls to ask him to pay his bills), the former acquisitor-in-chief has a number of massive loans coming due soon and faces a number of costly lawsuits, civil and criminal, that could deplete if not empty the cashbox—on top of which, Trump and the GOP have been forced to refund about $135 million in donations acquired through shady and unethical if not downright illegal practices. Trump's donors, for example, were surprised to learn that one-time donations were altered in fine print to become recurring donations, or that agreed-upon cash amounts were somehow doubled or tripled without the donors' knowledge or consent. Little things like that.

Which is why the Trump Card is destined to become an essential part of Trump-GOP fund-raising. Even though there are no explicit benefits associated with the card, carrying one can be seen as "patriotic," which is more than enough to satisfy Trumpian fanatics. What they don't understand is that to Trump, "patriotism" is an essential step on the road to "authoritarianism," which is the ultimate goal. Trump's vision is of an America in which every "patriot" swears allegiance to him, not to an outmoded melange of laws and precepts known as the Constitution. If the Trump Card will help him get there, then the Trump Card it shall be.

August 20, 2021

The alt-right was lurking in the shadows, fangs bared, patiently waiting for its prey.

It took only an eight-second sound bite during a seven-minute report from CNN correspondent Clarissa Ward, who has been putting her life on the line broadcasting from Afghanistan, to induce them to pounce. "They're [the Taliban] chanting 'death to America,' but they seem friendly at the same time. It's utterly bizarre," Ward observed.

That was enough for the right-wing nuts—led by senator Ted ("viva Mexico!") Cruz who tweeted, "Is there an enemy of America for whom CNN WON'T cheerlead?"—to sink its ravenous teeth into Ward and her employer, gleefully devouring their entrails while letting them know in no uncertain terms that any praise, however faint, of America's avowed enemy, the dreaded Taliban, would not, should not and could not be tolerated. No sir; not on their watch!

A day later, former president Donald ("let's make a deal!") Trump appeared on Fox News. Here is part of what he had to say about America's arch-enemy: "The Taliban, good fighters. I will tell you, good fighters. You have to give them credit for that...if they were smart, they'd really—and they are smart. They are smart..."

Trump's praise for the Taliban continued the following evening, also on Fox, as he told faithful boot-licker Sean Hannity that "we [the American people] are being set up by very tough people that are very tough negotiators. I'll tell you what, they are automatically great negotiators..."

Needless to say, the immediate and condemnatory response from right-wing media, seers, pundits and politicians was...

Crickets.

Apparently, it's all right to say the Taliban are "good fighters," "smart," "great negotiators..."but you'd better not say they "seem friendly!" That is a bridge too far, placing you in imminent danger of incurring "the wrath of Cruz!"—not to mention almost every other screwball who takes his/her marching orders from the former commander-in-duplicity.

Also unchallenged was Trump's assertion that "they [the Taliban] have been fighting for a thousand years"—which would no doubt come as a surprise to one of the group's co-founders who is still alive, looking pretty good after all those years and presently residing in the presidential palace in Kabul. The Taliban's other co-founder was killed in a U.S. air strike several years ago. For those keeping score, the Taliban was actually formed around twenty-seven years ago and has been fighting U.S. forces in Afghanistan for most of those years.

But Trump has never been one to let truth stand in the way of a good story—in fact, he has never let truth stand in the way of anything. Yes, the American retreat from Afghanistan has been a huge intelligence failure and debacle, mirroring the frantic escape by helicopter from Saigon in April 1975 that ended American involvement in Vietnam, and president Biden has been taking heat for the collapse from both the left and right. Me? I think Biden and his advisers screwed things up royally—however, as these are The Trump Files, not The Biden Files, we'll simply note our displeasure and move on.

Sensing an opportunity to rewrite history (again), the former humbug-in-chief called on president Biden, vice president Kamala Harris and their administration to "resign in disgrace." (To be replaced by whom, do you suppose?) And while at it, they should please ignore any previous statements on Afghanistan that Trump has failed to erase from the public record, such as this one on April 18: "Getting out of Afghanistan is a wonderful and positive thing to do. I planned to withdraw on May 1." Abandoning Afghanistan, in fact, has long been an obsession with Trump who came to office promising to end the war and opened negotiations with that thousand-year-old Taliban leader, Abul Ghani Baradar, after asking Pakistan to end Baradar's prison sentence so he could travel to Doha to exchange hugs and talk peace with secretary of state Mike Pompeo.

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