Mr. P.C.'s Guide to Jazz Etiquette...

Dear Mr. P.C.: I bought an acoustic bass guitar that you can also plug in and my son and I have been playing a lot of pop songs together taking turns on the bass and guitar. I know this is a stereotype that upsets bassists and I'm sure it's hard to play really well, but... it ...

Dear Mr. P.C.: I hate it when people add all those extra chromatic chord changes on “I Can't Get Started," like in bar three starting on a B minor seventh. What a pointless pain in the ass!

-- I Can't Keep Going

Dear ICKG: You know those speed bumps they put on some roads? Sure ...

Dear Mr. P.C.:

Sometimes when I quote tunes, I get stuck on them, and forget what I was playing to start with.

-- Jeff

Dear Jeff: Getting “stuck" on a quote means you believe, at some important unconscious level, that the song you're “quoting" is better than the one you've been playing. If your music ...

Dear Mr. P.C.: My teacher told me to practice with a metronome, but then I was getting ahead of it sometimes, and behind it sometimes. Where can I get a metronome that works?

-- Beats Me

Dear Beats: Don't be so quick to blame your metronome--you may have accidentally hit its “jazz" setting. That deliberately ...

Dear Mr. P.C.:

I was playing at a club in town, a pretty fancy place, the gig all the guys in town want. On the break a pretty woman in the audience came up to me and complimented my playing. So far so good! But then she asked if I play professionally! What should I have ...

Dear Mr. P.C.:

I've noticed that when a lot of the younger groups rearrange a standard or pop song, they take out a beat here and there. It keeps me off guard and if I don't count I lose track of the downbeat. But that's fine. What I'm wondering is: Where do those beats go?

Dear Mr. P.C.:

My mom won't let me play jazz. She says all jazz musicians are seedy. Is it true?

- Gottagroove

Dear Gottagroove: If by “seedy" your mother is referring to drug and alcohol abuse, she's being ridiculous! Let's take a look: Louis Armstrong was famously a pothead. Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, John Coltrane ...

Dear Mr. P.C.:

Now that so many people have smart phones, there's no more conversation with my band mates on our breaks. Each guy just starts texting, or surfing the net, or playing his favorite app.

It used to be that “the hang" was one of the best things about gigs, but now it doesn't exist, ...

Dear Mr. P.C.:

Will there ever be a unanimous decision within the jazz world on who is and who is not “burning"?

Are there different levels of “burned"?

-- Gregg BC

Dear Greg:

“Burning," “smoking," “on fire...." It's all so different from the Cool Jazz of the Fifties! What has caused the radical shift? ...

Dear Mr. P.C.:

At the end of my gig, the bandleader told me that my playing is “timeless." Is that good?

-- Drummer in Doubt

Dear DID:

Does he pay you by the hour? If so, he may be trying to pull a quick one on you. Think about it: If you've just played a ...

Dear Mr. P.C.:

Does it really help to announce your gigs on Facebook?

-- Ron Arnold

Dear Ron:

Absolutely! In a strictly therapeutic sense, of course.

It's a positive, celebratory affirmation of who you are, and what you do. “Ron Arnold," you proclaim in boldface, a hand-picked profile picture removing all doubt. “I am ...

Dear Mr. P.C.: When people use big words to describe their music, is that supposed to make it better? Like I know a bassist who says he's “contextualizing" his music. Why does he do that?

-- Bassist Uses Lofty Language

Dear BULL:

He's practicing Grantspeak, of course. A few decades ago, granting agencies grudgingly ...

Dear Mr. P.C.:

I am a jazz vocalist. When I am on a gig, is it OK to request that the bassist play arco on a solo, or should that be entirely up to his discretion?

I hope you can help me. I don't want to make a dumb singer mistake here.

Thanks!

-- Katy ...

Dear Mr. P.C.:

I've noticed that when a lot of the younger groups rearrange a standard or pop song, they take out a beat here and there. It keeps me off guard and if I don't count I lose track of the downbeat. But that's fine. What I'm wondering is: Where do those beats go?

--Beats ...