Mr. P.C.'s Guide to Jazz Etiquette and Bandstand Decorum
Inspired by the cutting edge advice of Abigail Van Buren, the storied bass playing of Paul Chambers, and the need for a Politically Correct doctrine for navigating the minefields of jazz etiquette, I humbly offer my services.
Old Folks
by Mr. P.C.
Dear Mr. P.C.: I'm part of the older generation, players in our seventies and eighties. We're hoping to stay involved, but then there's the elephant in the room: The meds we take. In real life they make us feel better and in some cases ward off diseases. But in our musical life some make us rush and others make us slow down. So the first thing I want to know when I get to a gig ...
read moreLast Notes, List Notes, Lost Dollars
by Mr. P.C.
Last Notes Dear Mr. P.C.: I've heard people say Play every note as if it's your last." But wouldn't your last note sound pretty weak, since you'd be dying? --Trembling Timmy Dear TT: The problem isn't that you're going to die, much as you might want to. Your last note is the note you just played, right? So if you play every note like it's your last, you'll be stuck playing the ...
read moreFluid Start Times, Desert Island Recordings, and Personal Growth
by Mr. P.C.
Fluid Start TimesDear Mr. P.C.: When a member of the band you lead has a history of showing up late for your gigs, is it morally wrong to give them a start time" an hour early to be safe? --Jeff Dear Jeff: That will work exactly once, after which they'll do the math, make the adjustment, and get right back to showing up late. From there all you can do is keep ...
read moreFrench Scat, Nothing Personal, Casual Claustrophobia
by Mr. P.C.
French ScatDear Mr. P.C.: I'm a jazz vocalist about to sing abroad for the first time. When we play in France, do I have to scat in French? --Perplexed About Rendering International Scat Dear PARIS: How could they possibly understand you if you scat in English? Find recordings of good French scat solos and transcribe them--that's the best way to internalize the language. If that doesn't work for you, you ...
read moreHitting Things
by Mr. P.C.
Dear Mr. P.C.: A percussionist came to one of my gigs. Without asking the leader for permission, he handed out shakers and other percussion instruments to many of the people in the audience." Audience" in quotes because it was actually a fancy hotel where we were just supposed to provide ambiance while rich old people enjoyed their food and drinks. Instead, it turned into a bunch of drunks with no sense of time just banging away. We fought ...
read moreThe Sound of a Puckered Butt, Nice Guys Finish Last, and The Masked Pianist
by Mr. P.C.
The Sound of a Puckered ButtDear Mr. P.C.: We closed our set last night with Upper Manhattan Medical Group." As I was packing up, the guy at the front table said he was in fact a doc in an Upper Manhattan Medical Group and that my sax playing resounded like a forceful Valsalva maneuver." Not sure what he meant, I googled with the following result, direct from the National Institutes of Health website: Valsalva maneuver is the ...
read moreIt's About Time
by Mr. P.C.
Dear Mr. P.C.: When a member of your band has a history of showing up late for your gigs, is it morally wrong to give them a start time" an hour early to be safe? FWIW, this is a bassist with a tendency to drag, so if I alienate him it's not the end of the world. Anonymous, Jacksonville Dear Anonymous: Time is fluid and irrepressible. Time won't start and stop at ...
read moreVote P.C.!
by Mr. P.C.
Dear Mr. P.C.: Will being in a swing state improve my swing playing? --J.P., Atlanta Dear J.P.: On the surface, at least, this is pretty obvious. Right now I'm in a writing state, so I'm writing. Tonight I'll be in a reading state, so I'll read. If I were in a swing state, would I play swing? You bet! When else would I swing better? And for the same reason, if I ...
read moreCD Phobia, Italian Sunrise and The Dating Game
by Mr. P.C.
CD PhobiaDear Mr. P.C.: Whenever I listen to an old recording of myself and I sound good, it depresses me. Because in all the years I've spent practicing since I recorded it, have I even gotten better? As for my last few CDs, I haven't even listened, because I'd probably be devastated. And I can't listen to the radio, because what if one of my tracks starts playing? What if I hated it without even realizing ...
read moreStrange Guitarists, Entitled Musicians and Fictional Managers
by Mr. P.C.
Strange GuitaristsDear Mr. P.C.: Is it possible to maintain inner peace while playing Misty" or Autumn Leaves"? Why are guitarists strange? --Jack Dear Jack: That's quite a puzzle you've created there! I think you're suggesting that guitarists are strange either because they can maintain inner peace playing those songs, or because they can't. I can't tell which, and it doesn't matter. Here's the thing: Guitar players have so ...
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