Last Notes, List Notes, Lost Dollars

Last Notes

Dear Mr. P.C.:

I've heard people say "Play every note as if it's your last." But wouldn't your last note sound pretty weak, since you'd be dying?

—Trembling Timmy

Dear TT:

The problem isn't that you're going to die, much as you might want to. Your last note is the note you just played, right? So if you play every note like it's your last, you'll be stuck playing the same note over and over again for the rest of your monotonous life, no matter how long you live.

List Notes

Dear Mr. P.C.:

When I put together a setlist for my band's concert should I try to pick songs the audience will recognize? Or should I play my own originals since they mean a lot more to me?

—Put Whatever Name You Want Here

Dear PWNYWH:

If you play songs the audience members recognize, they're more likely to notice all your mistakes. But if you play originals, how can they possibly tell? Needless to say, that takes all the fun out of it for them. Before long they'll leave—the party's over—and that's a good thing! You're free to play whatever you want, even standards, safe from criticism.

Originals are essentially a form of crowd control; artists who don't write their own material place themselves at the audience's mercy.

Lost Dollars

Dear Mr. P.C.:

How come when jazz is used to advertise products like cars and liquor it's supposed to convey elegance and sophistication to an upscale consumer audience, but the actual audience in live venues is just a bunch of oddballs and degenerates?

—Confused in California

Dear Confused:

Once targeted consumers have spent their life savings on the most expensive cars and booze, they have no money for things like personal hygiene and upkeep. Jazz is all they have left, and it continues to humiliate them.

That's why you'll find them in dingy clubs, downing second-hand beer and scraps of food from mugs and plates left behind by wealthier, healthier people who headed home as soon as they heard what jazz actually sounds like. For those who made that quick escape, their maiden live jazz experience will serve as an inoculation, both protecting them from the future lure of jazz advertising and keeping them at a safe distance from those who have already succumbed.

Have a question for Mr. P.C.? Ask him.

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