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More About All About Jazz

Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius By

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All About Jazz is to jazz on the Internet what Miles Davis was to moody bastards with trumpets
Hey, kids, remember that time I wrote an article about the history and development of All About Jazz? Those were good times, weren't they? Things were simpler then, the world was new and full of promise, the good Roosevelt was in the White House and the Cubs were on their way to winning the World Series. But dark clouds of war were looming on the horizon, and we still had that whole Renée Zellweger-Kenny Chesney thing to go through yet.

And life goes on.

One of the things that both jazz and the Internet have in common is the constancy of change. Jazz is forever reconsidering and reinventing itself, as is this primordial stew of information, ideas, commerce and pornography we call the Internet. Both jazz and the Internet are never content to be the same creation twice. Which is perhaps why the Internet has proven to be an ideal medium for jazz, and why All About Jazz is to jazz on the Internet what Miles Davis was to moody bastards with trumpets (see also Baker, Chet).

In the time since the last article appeared, AAJ has continued to evolve and adapt to the ever-changing world of jazz in the Information Age. Not content with merely being the premiere jazz web site in the free world (and even the premium world, which costs $24.95 a month but has a lot more exclusive content), AAJ has stayed abreast of a world where the big mural of a once-homogenous culture is now revealed as 290 million individual pixels in mosaic.

I'm certain there's some powerful social commentary contained in that last sentence, but that's beside the point and it's running close to suppertime as it is.

So time is marching on, and AAJ with it (well, we don't actually march. People point when you do that, especially in the mall). We've expanded our already-exhaustive coverage of jazz and included many features to augment the jazz lifestyle. We've stayed at the forefront of evolving Internet technologies to provide an up-to-the-minute experience for our visitors. And, while our highly anticipated all-you-can-eat catfish buffet has never quite come together to our satisfaction, our 62-topping potato bar has done quite well and we look forward to the addition of our two latest toppings (roasted chipotle peppers and Chiclets).

One of the most anticipated additions to AAJ has been the My AAJ feature, which allows a level of personalization heretofore unavailable without iron-on letters and a Dymo label maker. Want to know when the latest Genius Guide is posted? Want to know where the hottest gigs are, or the moment your favorite artist releases a new CD? Thanks to XML and RSS, AAJ can do that. Want to know every time your favorite artist goes to the bathroom? Then you need professional help which, thanks to Dr. Judith Schlesinger and Victor L. Schermer, AAJ can provide.

Another exciting development is the introduction of AAJ merchandise. Going beyond the expected coffee mugs and T-shirts, Admiral Ricci has negotiated the AAJ name onto a variety of products designed to maximize our brand awareness. From the AAJ cardiac defibrillator to the AAJ combination fish scale and hook remover to a full line of AAJ scented body oils and personal lubricants, the scope of products available is as diverse as the people who listen to jazz. We'll also be rolling out the AAJ hybrid car, as soon as we are able to perfect harnessing the kinetic power of jazz as an alternative fuel source with the use of a corrected version of Einstein's theory of relativity; E(energy)=M (Monk) times C (Coltrane). Einstein's mistake was squaring because, as you well know, there are no squares in jazz.

Perhaps one of the more useful features for the jazz lifestyle espoused by AAJ is the Hip-O-Meter. Rating the relative Hipness of over 3.5 million things and adding more daily, you need never worry about making another un-hip choice again. Should you have the meatloaf plate or the grilled Chilean sea bass?

That sounds like a gimme, but wait; the meatloaf is the hipper choice by benefit of its retro appeal, comfort-food cred, unpretentious presentation and the fact that it comes with your choice of two vegetables.

So then.

Always on top of the latest Internet trends, we've also recently rolled out our exclusive Sports Book and Online Poker. If you like Medeski, Martin and Wood and the Bengals by 3½ on the road, we're the site for you. Try your hand at Ornette Coleman Hold 'Em (everything's wild, because the only value the cards have is what you assign to them in the limited frame of your own experience). This is not a gambling site, but I'll lay you 3-to-1 that you don't care.

We've also unveiled what is sure to be one of our most visited features, the AAJ Googleâ"¢ Trap. Sex Lost Britney hurricane weather butt video Jennifer Lopez dictionary Kanye West. PSP Ipod large+breasts 50 Cent Desperate Housewives AND naked OR nude. Harry Potter travel Terrell Owens.

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