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Ba-dum-tss!

Ba-dum-tss!
Mr. P.C. By

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Dear Mr. P.C.:

What is it with young horn players at jam sessions who take their solo on a song and don't even hang around to play the head out?

—C.S.


Dear C.S.:

The youngsters are looking to you for guidance. If you yell "head out," what do you expect them to do?

Dear Mr. P.C.:

I recently played my first Jewish wedding. There were yarmulkes laid out on a table for the band, but I thought they were bra cups. When the leader told me we had to wear them I put two of them over my chest, even though I'm a guy. I didn't know! Then I got fired. How can I get the gig back?

—Get Off, Yarmulke
 

Dear GOY:

What, he's never heard of a double-breasted suit?

Dear Mr. P.C.:

I recently had to cancel a rehearsal because I was sick. One of the guys emailed back "Get better." I know I'm not the greatest musician in the world, and that's part of the reason I wanted to rehearse. Was he out of line to attack my playing like that?

—Invalid But Not Invalid
 

Dear Invalid:

I don't know if he was out of line, but he was certainly unrealistic—how exactly can you "get better" when you're too sick to practice?

Dear Mr. P.C.:

I'm a 73 year old bandleader, and I'm wondering how I'll know when it's time to stop.

—Seems I'm Going Nowhere; an Old Fart Fading
 

Dear SIGN OFF:

Fatigue, boredom, and the feeling there's no music left in you—I can understand why you'd be ready to call it quits.

But I haven't seen your contract. Play it safe and wait until the janitor starts mopping the dance floor.

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