By Walter Price

As you know, going to the record store can be a harrowing experience for any jazz fanatic. Along with one or two new releases, you see a flood of "remastered" and "reissued" CDs claiming to be the definitive version. You begin to sweat when you read "limited edition" or rumors that the record company released 100 copies nationwide for sale to the public. You feel left out in discussion groups when the topic being discussed is about the music on Wayne Shorter's All Seeing Eye. "Damn it, I have all CDs in the Connoisseur series EXCEPT that one!" Your very last vow is to never let that happen again. To pay back student loans or buy jazz CDs or to suffer the slings and arrows of a raging spouse: that is the question!

Frantically you observe some older gentleman at the CD bin picking up Horace Silver's Blowing the Blues Away examining the ever interesting Rudy Van Gelder bio. Your palms begin to sweat, you have money and you're ready to buy. This is the only record store that usually has all the latest releases, even jazz. You think the other record stores will have the first Rudy series by November, but you can't wait that long. You can't live in all the other record stores, already the clerks think you have some kind of sick CD fetish. "This guy is always looking in the jazz section mumbling to himself and he always refuses my expert help, I don't get jazz anyway. Then he just looks and never buys and we just put out all those NEW Miles Davis and John Coltrane CDs. You say to yourself, "Don't ask them about Larry Young, they will just lead me over to Neil Young and I will think again-never mind."

Now this elder statesman puts you into defcom 2 panic by holding the CD in his hand and taking it with him while he looks at other CDs. You pounce on the section of Horace Silver, you see Finger Poppin', A Prescription For, The Best of-Vols. 1 and 2, BUT no Rudy series. Wait a minute, some young punk could have filed it under Silva, Simone, Sims, Simmons. There is hope, you loudly rattle all the CDs around Silver to a point of drawing attention to your erratic behavior. No luck, and so then you become the STALKER. The older gentleman now becomes the old geezer, the old fart, a Depends wearing wrinkled prune face soon will be dead from his sixth heart attack senile CD hogging greedy bastard!

Slowly you follow behind him looking from the corner of your eye his left hand which holds YOUR CD. Now he begins to worry about your behavior and moves back to the Adderly and Blakey sections. You slowly follow along evolving into a snake in the grass even having the audacity to think you could just snatch it away from him, besides he is just an old man-you're much stronger.

Then unexpectedly he ask you , "What do you think of this CD Blowing the Blues Away? I like jazz a lot but sometimes I have a hard time on deciding what to get." You are no longer a snake, but have devolved into a SLUG like creature who replies, "You should really get Silver's Song For My Father, but since they don't have that CD, you can get his Best of Vol. 2 which has the title cut (this is your bait-will he bite?)." "Hmmm, sounds interesting, but I don't like those best of series-those CDs usually don't have their very best or what one might think is their best." "Well sir, I really enjoy Jazz and Song For My Father is essential to any Jazz collection (you throw the hook out again saying a few Hail Marys)." "Wow thanks a lot for the advice, you say Vol. 2, right?" "Yeah, and they have it on sale for $9.99."

In the end you don't have the common decency to ask for the CD he has in his hand. You take up a position over in the pop section and wait like a crow until you see your innocent victim put YOUR CD back in the bin, take your insincere suggestion of a CD, then as soon as he has a smile on his face and goes to the cashier, you swoop down on your prize! A day in the life of a jazz fanatic, beware if you see this animal lurking in your record stores!