Date:	11-Oct-1999 18:49:55
From:	Tim Gordon (vibes@gate.net)
	I was playing a solo gig in a club several years ago and before I played my first set I ordered a beer to sip on. I gave the bartender $1.25 and went on stage. On my first break I went back to the bar for another beer. "That will be $2.25" said the bartender. "I only paid $1.25 for my first beer" I informed her. She replied "The prices go up when the live music starts".

 

Date:	28-Oct-1999 22:02:00
From:	Yana
	Hello Tim That was a great one! lol! Yana

 

Date:	29-Dec-1999 20:02:26
From:	Papa J (papaj@bwn.net)
	Ever heard of a hip flask?

 

Date:	14-Jan-2000 20:18:23
From:	Linda Clark (lindac@futurestep.com)
	The jazz club the Blue Note in New York City advertised a live jam session on Friday and Saturday nights. My husband and I went last week (visiting from LA). He is an established drummer/percussionist and a very well known session/hired gun. When we got there to jam, he was told to take a walk down the street if he wanted to jam by the regular there who played keyboards. We spent time, energy and money to participate in an advertised jam, only to get a big dose of nasty New York attitude. Now I'm a native New Yorker and I love New York, but the disrespect that we received from the Blue Note musicians and clientele, were extremely impolite. I hope you print this. There is more to the story, but that's the gist of it. I thought music was a language of love and harmony. Not a contest of who has the biggest chip on their shoulder. Thanks

 

Date:	25-Jan-2000 01:21:43
From:	jazz punk
	ahh hush

 

Date:	07-Feb-2000 20:40:13
From:	Spacebass
	To Linda Clark ! I'm a 26-year old Danish upright bass-player, and I am willing to bet my right arm , that You and Your husband are pretty satisfied with what you have accomplished in Your lives for so far in general and these musicians are not ! They've missed the most important lessons in music - and life for that matter - so one can only hope, that someone (preferably themselves) will enlight them; the sooner the better. Best Regards spacebass

 

Date:	08-Feb-2000 20:00:39
From:	Niels
	Back in the 80's a mixed Danish - Swedish big band played a special occasion gig at a club in Malmö, Sweden. After the gig the band members began partying and drinking heavily. Early in the morning, only 3 (2 Danish, 1 Swedish)of the band members were still awake, talking and drinking. As the club close the Swedish guy invites the Danish musicians to his home for further chatting and drinking; he lives in a very big house with lots of rooms and a very well-suplied bar. They continue chatting and drinking for a few hours and they are now alarmingly drunk. Actually, the host announce that it's probably best for him to get some sleep, very fast, but that his guests can feel free to drink ad lib. , and crash into bed in their own separate room when they feel the urge to do so. He departs and his Danish guests continue for approximately half an hour. Then one of them has to go to the toilet to, as he said : " ... make the world shiver !". Unfortunately, in his tranquilized condition he can't find the toilet, and for twenty minutes he walks around in circles in this huge building, growing more and more desperat for each minute.at last he can't hold it inside and rushes back to his mate in the livingroom, graps a big plant in a pot , pulls it up and sh*ts in it, with a big, happy sigh. He puts the plant back into the pot, cleans himself with leaves from the other plants and throws'em out into the garden. He gets back to his mate and after a short while, they agree to go to bed. The next day they depart from their new Swedish friend, unaware of what happened during their drinking - "competition" last night, due to major hang-overs. They exchange phone numbers and heads for Copenhagen, Denmark. 2 weeks pass, and the "drunken sinner" gets an unexpected message on his answeringmachine from his new (now former) Swedish friend , who cries out in despair : " WHERE IS IT .....??????????????????

 

Date:	12-Feb-2000 16:56:04
From:	patty giurleo (pattygi175@aol.com)
	I was playing at a well-known venue in Cambridge, MA which is also a Middle Eastern Restaurant. I was playing in the cafe where, I gather, they occasionally feature belly-dancers. A table full of men, evidently there to watch the dancers, began throwing handfuls of dollars (singles mostly,) at me at me once they realized that they had come on the wrong night. Other people in the crowd told me that the whole thing was straight out of a Fellini film. I actually made more money from those guys than I did from the club, but it was a bizarre scene to be sure.

 

Date:	12-Mar-2000 20:25:32
From:	Reverend Hippie Drummaboy (ReverendHippie@aol.com)
	Okay, this has GOT to be my strangest gig, by far. I'm a drummer. I got called as an emergency replacement for a gig about 20 minutes from school, and while my bass player was able to make the gig, my regular guitarist couldn't. So I had my bass player make some calls and he found someone. Who immediately called his drummer of choice. I got to the gig only to find my bass player, this guitarist and his drummer. The other drummer wanted to play the gig, and was somewhat adamant about it. I tell him, "look, it's my gig. I'll let you play a set and give you $5 for the trouble." So I set up my kit and wait for showtime. We play a set, nothing remarkable, but it swung, so I wasn't too terribly upset. The other drummer comes up for the second set, and the entire set sounds incredibly pensive because said drummer can't just lay down a groove and sit in it. I'm thinking the last set will be fun at least. Only to find out from the club owner that the sewage system for the entire town had been blocked and that they were shutting down all the businesses that were still open. (Basically all three of the bars on that block.) Because the club owner is a sweetheart, he payed for the whole gig, which was cool, but it made for a strange night nonetheless. I hope someone gets a laugh at my expense. Keep Your Ears Open, Paul

 

Date:	14-Mar-2000 08:33:51
From:	Ken Watters (kenwatt@aol.com)
	I played for five years in a Haitian band called Tabou Combo. When we were in Haiti or Martinique/Guadeloupe, the audience frequently showed their GENUINE appreciation for us by tear gassing the stage. If we got tear gassed, we KNEW we were doing something right!

 

Date:	22-Apr-2000 22:39:25
From:	Mike Lee (Mike@MikeLeeJazz.com)
	Saturday Nov. 13th, 1999, Blue Wisp Jazz Club, Cincinnati OH. Near the beginning of the third set, I finished my solo on "Softly as in a Morning Sunrise" and walked away from my spot in the center of the stage over to my corner. No sooner had I turned around than the dog had taken my spot, faced the audience and was squatting in a manner to suggest what was to follow. I was so stunned that I couldn't move to shew him away before the act occurred. I just didn't believe it was actually going to happen. Personally, I didn't think my solo was that bad. Although who knows if that is even an insult in dog terms. Maybe it was an offering, or maybe he just thought it was his chorus!

 

Date:	27-Apr-2000 16:56:12
From:	Mr. sad but true
	I would sell my left leg for a piece of New York

 

Date:	06-May-2000 01:59:21
From:	Bob Jacobson (bobbo j @aol.com)
	Last week my trio was playing in the cafe of a bookstore chain. At the beggining of the second/last set a group of about eight teenagers came in. A bit of chatting and giggling, but they were cool. As I was packing up,with my back to the audience, I felt a hand grab the left cheek of my buttocks. Surprised, to say the least, I saw one of the girls, looking right at me with a goofy grin on her face (I should point out that I am a bald, somewhat paunchy 49 year old). I quickly surmised that she must have done this on a dare. I asked her if this was a bet, because if it was I wanted my share of it. She didn't answer, returning to her group. However, five minutes later she approached me with two $5 bills in her hand and silently handed one of them to me.

 

Date:	06-May-2000 12:42:42
From:	Per Stornes (stornes@hotmail.com)
	This didn't happen to me, but to the director of a big band I was playing in a few years ago (he claimed that it was true, and I tend to believe him...) He was playing a gig at a local club when suddenly there's a big fight in front of the stage. That's not all that unusual I guess. But which song was the band playing? Well, of course: "Killing me softly"...

 

Date:	06-May-2000 19:25:44
From:	Erick Djerf (edjerf@netscape.net)
	A couple of years ago I was playing a gig with a jazz combo that I'm with, "The Disciples of Jazz". This was a steady twice a month type thing, at a very nice, comfortable, restaurant/ coffee-house called "The Mad Hatter". We played outdoors in a long courtyard filled trees and flowering plants. The customers would sit at outdoor tables, enjoying their beverages under the protection of the large table umbrellas, tapping their feet and boppin' their heads to the standards that we were performing for them. Near the Mad Hatter are train tracks, about fifty yards away. These are frequented mostly by the freight trains that come through town. As the set progressed, Mr.Luke, our leader, founder, and all-around musical guru, called out "Take the A Train". We brought that out and began playing through the head. Once we finished the head it was on to the solos. After everybody had taken their ride, Mr. Luke motioned for us to take it out, so it was back to the head again. Just as we had finished playing the tag, a locomotive went speeding by, blowing its horn right on cue. We all looked at each other wide eyed and could not believe what perfect timing that train had had. We tried re-creating that effect the next time that we played there, but to no avail. That was a once in a lifetime experience. That was magic.

 

Date:	24-Jun-2000 14:19:56
From:	shirley riley (beaschild@yahoo.com)
	Years ago, I dated a musician who was the arranger and band leader for a very popular singer. One New Year's eve they had a gig (in Long Island or Brooklyn) at a large entertainment complex. They played until 3 or 4 in the morning. After that I thought we were going home but we had to stop at this funky little bar.The singer said it was a favor to the owner of the entertainment complex.It was like a scene from a poor man's Godfather. Of course, the crowd was completely drunk by then. The singer had to perform several songs, his band leader accompanied him on piano. The crowd applauded. It was then time to go. The musician asked the singer when was he going to ask for his money. The singer replied, "I don't think so". The musician agreed that it was a pro bono gig.

 

Date:	30-Jun-2000 13:46:51
From:	Craig Considine
	I was playing a very upscale wedding gig at the National Republican Club on Capital Hill in D.C. The walls of the banquet room are lined with portraits of Republican presidents. The band played under the stern gaze of Ronald Reagan all night. Break time came and we were led upstairs to the break room to be fed. The room was full of stacked tables and chairs and on one table was our tray of baloney sandwichs on white bread with mayonnaise and rubbery potato chips left over from the Eisenhower administration. As I sat down to enjoy this lovely repast I looked up and saw a painting of George Bush. Adding insult to bad food, we had been put in the one term Presidents room.

 

Date:	27-Jul-2000 16:24:10
From:	Matt (sugarloafmusic@hotmail.com)
	On a tour (which shall remain nameless) playing in a band (which shall also remain nameless) a certain guitarist I played with quite frequently had, once again, had one too many. During an otherwise beautiful rendition of The Days of Wine and Roses this guitarist turns, mid solo, and vomits into a pitcher behind his amplifier without missing a note of solo! On a later date (same tour) the club's stage manager, a huge, red-headed, red-bearded, tattoed biker from Ireland discovers this same guitarist furiously masturbating in a room backstage. Being a good-humored fellow, he rounds up the whole band, distributes beers and invites us backstage to witness a "suprise" he has for us! Can I get away with one more? O.K. This one's a trajedy! I was doing a really neat Tuesday night gig with a latin-jazz outfit while I was in music school. Tuesday nights at this particular spot were becoming quite well attended by the local University's jazz crowd as well as by the "cultured" element of the community. The audience was an incredible and beautiful mix of races and cultures. All was going smoothly until the cuban guitarist/singer displays his true feelings for the Congero (who was a Yaqui Indian) and calls him a "f*cking monkey!" The enraged congero then picks up one of his expensive LP congas and heaves it at the singer. The cultured crowd is awestruck at this display of violent racism. The singer/guitarist leaps over the percussion setup smashing an antique marimba and begins throttling the percussionist. Members of the crowd rush the bandstand to pull them apart and wind up smashing the 1950's Ampeg Baby bass which I had borrowed from my fiance for this gig. Luckily she still married me.

 

Date:	04-Oct-2000 12:19:26
From:	EJ Buckley (jazzman1222@hotmail.com)
	I've had many a friend tell me that I should write a short book about all the crazy shit that has happened to me in my years on the road & working for different cruise ships. One of the worst day's of my life happened exactly the way I'm writing it down, I only hope a musician aquaintence reads this & it can bring back some memories: I was working at Disneyworld in Orlando, the Jack Jones tour came out & they needed horn players, as he had his own ryth section. We were supposed to meet the van in Orlando, drive to West Palm for a 4 pm rehersal, then do the gig at 9pm that night. We should have been back in Orlando by 3-4 am. First of all, they contracted the lammest cat in town to put this together. He rents a piece of crap 12 passenger van and a u-haul for the gear. We pile in, drive for 1 hour & BOOM, the engine cuts off. This is before cell phones, we are off of 95, and it's hot as hell. Of course, no one wanted to walk to a phone, so I volunteered. I walked almost 2 miles to a farm house, a collie ran out and BIT me on the calf, drawing blood. Now I'm bleeding, I'm sweating like a pig, and the owner of the house is pissed at me for walking on his property to use the phone. I get back to the van, and a pulls over to help us. He says he thinks he knows what the problem is, so he ask's one of us to get underneath the van to tighten some bolt. These jive-ass MF's just sat there--I KNEW they weren't going to help. So I take my shirt off, climb underneath the van, and my back exploded in pain. I had crawled onto a fire-ant mound!!! So I crawl out, I've been stung over 50 times, I feel like I'm going to pass out, My calf feels like an innertube--and these MF just stayed in the van, bitching & moaning about being late for the gig. The cat leaves (Since no one else would help him) We finally get on the road. We are late, but that's cool. BOOM....The tire blow's out. Now everyone is throughly pissed. The driver ask's for help in changing the tire. ......You guessed it. I get out to help, I put my right hand on the tire & burned my hand with the rubber. I had never had a day like this in my life. We go to the rehersal 3 hours late. When we walked in, the contractor said: " What the hell happened, We are just going to use the rythym section,we aren't using you guys, and you are NOT getting paid." I won't mention what happened after that, but those that were there know, and I hope someone reads this from that day.

 

Date:	04-Oct-2000 12:31:19
From:	EJ Buckley (jazzman1222@hotmail.com)
	OK, I wrote about my worst experience, now I'll mention one of the funniest: I was working for Car%$#%^ cruise line, those that have worked on ships know that if you have a horn & a pulse, you can get a gig. We always had a rehersal prior to leaving Miami for the show that night. A new Trombone player came on the ship, he got signed in etc. We left the dock at 5pm, rehersal was at 4:30. So we are all there on stage warming up, the trombone player shows up, and the Musical Director gives him the book, explains the show, and we start playing. The bone player keeps looking out the window to see if we've left yet. The Director says' "Let's get started" he counts off the opener, everyone is playing but the bone player. The director cut's us off & say's: Hey Man, let's go, we don't have a lot of time." The bone player see's that we are finally leaving the dock. He stand's up & say's " Ugmm....I'm not really a Trombone Player". After we stopped laughing, he told the leader that his roommate was a trombone player & had told him he could get a free cruise by BS'ing his way over the phone. Well, it worked! He did get confined to his cabin for the remainder of the cruise, but he was such a great guy that we kept him drunk & high all week!!!!!!!

 

Date:	19-Nov-2000 19:29:26
From:	Eat That Chicken
	The band I play in (sax, guitar, bass) was hired to play for some post office thing, and the lady in charge of hiring us talked to the guitar player at length on the phone about all the details. When we got there, we realize that she forgot to tell us that we were playing outside, and it was a cold and very windy day right in the middle of downtown. They had their presentation thing and we were supposed to start a half hour after that started, but as soon as it finished everyone started leaving. So when we started playing there was about ten people there, and even those people left. We played for something like an hour, and during this hour a skateboarder skates by, hears us playing and starts listening. When we finished that song, he walked up to us to request a song. We thought 'Oh great, he's going to request some punk or rap song or something', but he requested KoKo (the Charlie Parker one), which i didn't have music for and couldn't fake my way through because it isn't an easy song at all. We ended up playing his second request, I Got Rhythm. As we were playing our last song, and the guitar player was soloing, the mascot of Winnipeg's football team (a big blue bird with a football helmet and sunglasses) walks out of the post office building and up onto the stage we were playing on, and starts trying to conduct us like we were some kind of orchestra, and stomping his feet and stuff because we wouldn't do what he wanted us to. None of us said anything (I'm pretty sure I was just laughing), but the guitar player was mad because he liked playing on that song, and he was giving him dirty looks so he eventually just walked off the stage. Strange but true! Could I make that up? Hahaha.

 

Date:	28-Nov-2000 09:53:54
From:	Bob E (jazzmebob@home.com)
	There was a charity run-a-thon and I took my dixieland band there because they needed some excitement before the race. The guy in charged said he also wanted excitement along the runner's route. So we played until the runner's left. Got in our cars, passed the runners and played at the next village as they ran by. Got in cars, passed the runners again and played again as they ran by. There were more miles driven than tunes played that day. The next year we were asked to do it again and my guys said, "You've gotta be kidding." Our last freebee!

 

Date:	04-Dec-2000 03:50:29
From:	Henk Meulstee (lekkerding@aol.com)
	We were doing a gig in Oslo, Norway, a few (15) years ago at this plush hotel, the place was packed. we were a pop band, it was our first night. The stage curtain opened while we played "I feel good" by James Brown. Much to our surprise we see a huge room of very affluent people having dinner, looking shocked at the stage. The manager rushes to the stage in the middle of the song, yelling "Stop, what are you doing?" The stage curtain closes as the music stops. "We need dinner music here, turn it down,what are you doing?" After hastily pulling out my dinner music and explaining the chord changes to Girl from Ipanema to the other musicians, who had never played jazz or standards, the curtain reopened and you heard the strangest dinnermusic at a very low volume, you could imagine. Then we followed with Misty, I was calling out the chords as we played, and so on finishing the set with My Way, a request from the audience. During the entire set no applause, no reaction. Next was a dance set, a mix of standards and pop music, the dance floor was packed, but no applause, no reaction, not even a look to the stage from the audience. They judt dtood on the dance floor and talked until the next song started. We ended up playing "What is hip" and packed our instruments, when we obviously did not suffice in this place. Again the manager rushed to the stage, "What are you doing?) I said were going, the people don't like us, so we're leaving. "No, no", he replied, "People loved your music, please play dinner music the first set and do what you did tonight, everybody is very happy, here is your tip money" and hands me a bag with Norwegian currency, which equals to $250.00! "That is just the way people are here, but they really liked your music, please don't go". I called our agent the next day and found out we were booked at the wrong place and the other band had a strange experience at the other place too! Still we finished off the month in Oslo and were called back again!

 

Date:	06-Jan-2001 07:23:41
From:	Mr.Will (wsherratt@aol.com)
	I play guitar as my first instrument, and African djembe and djun djuns also. I got asked to join a group for a charity benefit show (paying £150 each) to the funders and grant making body of an animal cruelty foundation. I asked the person booking the show, "hey look if you're going to be paying like £150 to everyone, isn't that a bit expensive to be running, especially as you're a charity?" and they said it was leftover budget that had to be spent that financial year and the proceeds from the funders attending the show would cover it, so I was cool, clear consience and all. I turn up and meet the other guys, talk through a setlist of requests etc. and then we find that the gig is to take place outside the venue, in the actual dogs home for dogs who have been mistreated or abandoned. So there we are playing in the open air, djembe and jazz numbers in front of a handful of appreciative wine drinking big funder cheese men and around 200 caged dogs who were screaming and barking! We played two sets of about one hour each! Then complaints came from local farmers about "the awful rock music" and we got shunted inside to the buffet and all. All in all it was great night and we got paid more than they offered us, but it was surreal as anything. I woke up the next day and wondered if I'd dreamed it, or had been an episode of Twin Peaks or something........hope this interests someone! Mr.Will

 

Date:	10-Jan-2001 09:15:37
From:	gaslamp tramp (velvetpurse@hotmail.com)
	When I was 16 I went on tour through Northern Italy. The first evening my group was in Venice, some friends and I noticed an old man in a pink sweater next to a fruit stand across from our slightly seedy hotel. He had a liquor bottle in his hand and was pointing and yelling Italian obsenities at the passer-bys. It was entertaining to watch his antics and the reactions of all his victems so my friends and I would often watch him from my room's window. One night after our gig, he looked up at us, then disappeared from our sight. We had no idea where he had gone until the hotel manager came to the door telling us to shut and lock our window. When the man saw us he thought we were prostitutes and tried to get in the hotel. He was so persistent they had to lock the doors of the hotel and after he tryed to climb up into our window, they called the police!

 

Date:	10-Jan-2001 09:25:10
From:	S (velvetpurse@hotmail.com)
	There is an outdoor theater near my home that specializes in musicals. It has one odd quirk, however. It's in the take-off path of the airport (our clever city planning). Every 20 min. or so a low-flying plane goes by. This adds an interesting challenge to the actors and musicians alike. Every time one flys over the entire performance halts mid- note, mid-phrase. Once the noise is over, they resume as if time had also paused.

 

Date:	25-Jan-2001 20:54:59
From:	Joey C (gtrman563@aol.com)
	it was my first union job as a 19 year old college kid in LA...I was hired by the Jerry Rosen Orchestra for a big band gig ....a high society wedding...I was the token Rock guitarist/singer,and although I didn't know alot of standards at this time,my reading skills were excellent,and I was in Jazz band in school,so I was most confident that I could cut the gig...anyway, as I set my gear up,Mr. Rosen is setting up the music stands,and I ask..."where's the charts"...and he says.." it's a faking gig"....wow...and I had spent all week charting my rock tunes and copying parts....imagine my surprise when the band rest of the band shows up,and these guys are all the alumni of the Basie,Kenton,and Miller bands!!! And the first tune is called.....Basie...April in Paris...and with no charts, the arrangement is played flawlessly!! But what was weird was the audience...it was a "mixed" marriage...Jewish bride...gentile groom..and the groom is a lowlife/trailer park drunk....during dinner he's a mess,during the first dance,he's grabbing his brides ass,and making an ass of himself..and this is no trailer park...it's the Beverly/Whilsire hotel...and the father of the bride..who is paying for all this...is staring a slow burn.....Now it's cake cutting time....and the groom SMASHES the cake into the mouth of his bride,and the Father has had it!!! He grabs the groom around the collar and starts puching him and screaming.."how dare you do that to my little girl!!"And without missing a punch, the father reaches into his tux jacket,grabs the check,throws it at the feet of the bandleader and says.."play The Party's over and go home....I'm annulling this marriage!!!" What a strange way to start your professional career....Big band...no charts....and a fight....welcome to high society

 

Date:	02-Feb-2001 15:38:02
From:	Joe Anthony Cadrecha (gtrman563@aol.com)
	this happened just last week...Jan 24th...I'm at my steady Wednesday night gig in my hometown of Chandler,AZ (just outside of Phoenix)and I'm doing my "dinner music at a Mexican restaurant" schtick.....my tip jar is really full....lots of ones,fives.....and this yuppy scum comes up with a ten in hand and whispers to me....."I'm making change.....pulling nine and leaving ten!" Has this ever happened to you???? A guy making "change" in your tip jar??? When I'm playing, I can't converse...what can I do? I nod and the guy actually does it...... Is that cheesy or what..? Joey C

 

Date:	06-Mar-2001 20:59:07
From:	Ray
	I was doing a club date for a Bat Mitzvah. Played the first set, when I got back on stage after the first break, there was a large piece of Bat Mitzvah cake in my bag, which was originally closed and stored under my timbales. Now how the hell did that get there??? I would have liked to catch whoever did it...Sidenote, whatever genius put the cake there just happened to mash it all over my brand new college textbook (which was in the bag) worth $82.50, figure that one out...

 

Date:	24-Mar-2001 20:59:37
From:	nina michélle (ninamichelle@e-vent.de)
	I was playing a gig in Belgium. Was just a duo, my pianist and I (vocalist), and the stage was set up on an old truck. During the second set, I see some comotion happening below. Suddenly I see a "western"; all men are punching each other out, grabbing hold of chairs and beer bottles, turning the joint into shambles... I just held on to the speakers, so they don´t fall down and kill someone, while my pianist started to play a funeral march. After the fight subsided, we procceeded as if nothing happened. At the end of our gig, the owner of the joint came by and said that such mess never happened before, that they are an established restaurant, and that it was all my fault - probably caused by my red dress! I swear I never wear a red dress to a gig, ever again!!!

 

Date:	27-Mar-2001 15:07:51
From:	Joel Glassman
	A friend told me this one: (Begins similar to a story above) Someone basically hired the wrong band, to play rock for people eating. After some tension between the band and audience over the volume, a band member accidently pushed a button closing a heavy curtain on stage. The curtain knocked over two speakers on stands which knocked over several mic stands with live mikes, as the band scrambled out of the way!

 

Date:	27-Mar-2001 15:48:03
From:	Joel Glassman
	This happened in a dressing room before playing. I was ironing my pants in the nude, and stepped on the iron's cord. The iron turned around and branded me hard on the butt. It hurt for a week. If I had been facing in the other direction... we're talkin' fried pork sausage.

 

Date:	17-Apr-2001 00:39:52
From:	fred conway
	I was doing a gig with wynton and just as we started to play, "just squeeze me' an elephant came in and sat down.

 

Date:	17-Apr-2001 00:40:29
From:	fred conway
	I was doing a gig with wynton and just as we started to play, "just squeeze me' an elephant came in and sat down.

 

Date:	02-May-2001 12:35:11
From:	Charles (charlesmjr@yahoo.com)
	Hey Fred, I was at that gig with uhhh... wenton yea that the ticket. Best damn accordian player north of the pole, yea thats it. By the way it wasn't an elephant. It was a heard of Moose, thats the ticket. They heard the accordian and reminded them of themselves yea thats the ticket, yeah... Charles (really thats my name) Prince Charles.... No thats King Charles to you.

 

Date:	06-May-2001 20:18:57
From:	Ian Thurston
	We were playing a guitar/bass duo at a club named The Bedrock Bar and Grill. The owner, worried about a new club that had opened up with a country policy down the road, grabbed us on the way out. "You've got to do more rock and roll," he said. Then he fixed the guitar player with a steely gaze and commanded "Eric, bring your banjo next time."

 

Date:	07-May-2001 19:06:25
From:	Erick
	We had just gotten our first club date as a jazz combo. The owner was pleased as punch at how things had gone that first Saturday, so he hired us to play the next Saturday as well. Our band leader mentioned to this club owner that the weekend would be "Mothers' Day" and that it might not be wise to plan on having a band play in a bar on this day. The owner would have none of that and insisted that we play on that evening. So "Mothers' Day" rolls around and the six of us converge upon this little club and set up for the evenings festivities. Decked out in our best and in place on the stage, we looked around and the only other people in the bar were the owner and his bartender. Se la vie. It's seven o'clock. Time for the downbeat. We played the entire night without a single customer. Just the club owner and his bartender. About five minutes after nine, as we are packing our horns up and tearing down, three people straggle into this place. The club owner comes up to our leader and begins to ask him to have us play one more hour. For free. No way. Last time we played that place. It just goes to show that "Mothers' Day" is a special day.

 

Date:	07-May-2001 19:07:34
From:	Erick
	We had just gotten our first club date as a jazz combo. The owner was pleased as punch at how things had gone that first Saturday, so he hired us to play the next Saturday as well. Our band leader mentioned to this club owner that the weekend would be "Mothers' Day" and that it might not be wise to plan on having a band play in a bar on this day. The owner would have none of that and insisted that we play on that evening. So "Mothers' Day" rolls around and the six of us converge upon this little club and set up for the evenings festivities. Decked out in our best and in place on the stage, we looked around and the only other people in the bar were the owner and his bartender. Se la vie. It's seven o'clock. Time for the downbeat. We played the entire night without a single customer. Just the club owner and his bartender. About five minutes after nine, as we are packing our horns up and tearing down, three people straggle into this place. The club owner comes up to our leader and begins to ask him to have us play one more hour. For free. No way. Last time we played that place. It just goes to show that "Mothers' Day" is a special day.

 

Date:	16-Jun-2001 22:30:07
From:	Maxx (maxxvaxx@hotmail.com)
	True! it really is! Many years ago my big band leader told us once that he was looking for a certain cat for a session. So then he calls the dude's agent. He knew immediately that the agent was either incompetent or pulling his leg because he replied," I don't know man. He told me he hangin' this weekend with some chick in Korea"

 

Date:	05-Jul-2001 03:42:35
From:	The lord of the Stones
	I am a Trombone playerand my gig from hell would have to be my first one. In the week preceeding the gig I was soo nervous that I had practised until my chops gave out. When the night came we played a scorcher of a gig. People were up and clapping and dancing etc. When it came to the last song we decided to go out with a swinging version of Autumn Leaves but the sax player was going to do the head and I was to take the only solo. As the time for my solo drew near I had it all figured out. I knew what I was going to play and how I was going to play it, I stepped up to the centre of the stage, put my tromb to my lips, took a good intake of breath to allow for the appropraite dynamics... And nearly chocked to death on something that was on the inside of the mouthpiece. None of the band could continue with the last song cos they were too busy laughing and I was subsequently booed off the stage. The lesson? Keep your horn clean.

 

Date:	10-Jul-2001 13:06:37
From:	David Fishel (david@jazzscene.no)
	Another Oslo, Norway story. It is not only the band's debut...but the young guitarist's first professional gig. A society gig at one of Oslo's best hotels. There is an electronic metal "curtain" in front of the stage which rises as the band begin their "dinner music" set. The guitarist was so concentrated on his tuning and amp levels and all the rest of it, that he failed to notice that his suit sleeve was caught up in the curtain. Believe it or not, the guitarist rose as the curtain did and was suspended at least six feet in the air before the hotel staff managed to switch off the current. A flying start?

 

Date:	25-Jul-2001 05:35:18
From:	Len Dobbin (lendobbin@sympatico.ca)
	I'm not a musician but the following was probably the weirdest sighting in over 50 years of catching live music events. I was still in my early teens when I attended "Piano Parade" in the early 50s at the Verdun Auditorium on the island of Montreal. After appearances by the Art Tatum Trio, the Erroll Garner Trio and the boogie woogie duo of Pete Johnson and Meade Lux Lewis, the Sonny Dunham big band came on to play for dancers. At the stroke of midnight, three burly movers walked on stage and removed the piano [I presume it was rented till midnight] - this in the midst of A PIANO SOLO. I didn't get the pianist's name but I'm sure this one ranked as one of his "gigs from hell".

 

Date:	22-Aug-2001 05:13:41
From:	Dr. Love (ziquix@hotmail.com)
	Well my High School band was on a two-week tour of England... and it was a cool tour, being in England and all with a huge group of close friends... but the tour company that took us biffed it all up. Like the tour company would screw something up, and say "this is in no way the fault of *** ******* Tour Company." So whatever. Anyways, onto the funny story. We were playing a gig in this old person's center, with lots of retired people. Well we find out when we get there that this unusually large retirement home's concert hall was on the THIRD floor, and, for some reason, didn't have easily accessible elevators. So they tell us (being a percussionist) "start taking the timpani up the escalator" and I'm just laughing, cause I knew the biggest timp wouldn't fit on the escalator. So we get up to the third floor, and find out that like half our audience is DEAF, so they can't hear us anyways, and the rest just fall asleep as we're setting up. So we're playing to like a couple dozen deaf and sleepy people, and it was quite the commical situation, because these ancient people just sat and stared... but at the end they all got up and came on stage and like wanted to play... it was weird... So our band director tells us afterwards that he wants us to mingle with the old people, so I'm like "ok that's cool." Well this old guy starts following us around and asking "Where's Bob, Where's Bob"... and we're like "who the hell is Bob" so he's like "Where's my friend Bob"... that's all he would say is "Where's Bob?" Well eventually we grew tired of him, and he got in the way of the timpani hauling up and down the escalator, and one of my good fellow percussionists, being the trouble maker that he is, yells at him (at the top of his lungs) "BOB IS DEAD, OK?!" Surprisingly, the old man just said "oh ok" and walked away... I miss band.

 

Date:	28-Aug-2001 07:48:55
From:	Gary (horowizard@cloud9.net)
	Mike Lee's story of a dog that 'took care of business' right on on his spot on the bandstand reminded me of a job which took place in Buffalo New York, of all locations. The club was a dank old cellar with bad lighting. As I exited the dressing room en route to the bar, I sense an overwhelming stench eminating from my shoes. I grabbed a bunch of toothpicks and hastily ran into the men's room. As I stood there in my stocking feet in front of the sink, desperately washing, fumbling with toothpicks trying to dig out the cat s**t that was embedded deep into the intricate treads on the soles of my shoes, I get the call. "We hit in one minute!" I turned around to say "I'll be right out" when I step squarely into yet another fresh load, left courtesy of one very sick and malnourished club cat! My shoes were now hopelessly soaked and still reeking, so I peeled off both socks and washed my feet in the sink. Abandoning all footware, I then ran to the bandstand and played both sets barefoot. I know that this shameless display was very unprofessional, but the group was 'really on' that night and the crowd was going nuts! Everyone got up, started dancing and nobody even noticed!

 

Date:	23-Sep-2001 04:03:16
From:	JEFF (COPPERTALLIS@AOL.COM)
	PLAYING AT THE CAFE ROYAL IN LONDON A FEW YEARS AGO FOR A DINNER/DANCE HELD BY A FOOTBALL TEAM WHO'D JUST WON THE LEAGUE CUP...WE'D BEEN SJOWN TO A BIG ROOM TO CHANGE INTO OUR STAGE CLOTHES BEFORE HAND AND IT TURNED OUT THAT THIS ROOM WAS SET UP FOR A MASONIC LODGE..THERE WAS A LARGE WOODEN VERY ORNATE 'THRONE' AT ONE END OF THIS ROOM AND WE CHANGED AT THE OTHER END WHERE THERE WAS A SMALL HARMONIUM..WE TOOK OUR BREAK AND WENT DOWN TO THE ROOM TO RELAX..ALL THE LIGHTS WERE OUT SO I FLICKED THEM ALL ON AND A VOICE SHOUTED OUT..'TURN THOSE F...ING LIGHTS OUT..THE VOICE CAME FROM A WOMAN WHO WAS HUMPING THIS GUY ON THE ' THRONE' ....I PLAYED 'THE STRIPPER' ON THE HARMONIUM AND WE WENT BACK TO THE GIG.. THEY CAME UP LATER TO THE STAGE AND GAVE US THE BIGGEST TIP WE'D EVER HAD...