Although exceedingly beautiful now, as a child I was very ugly. “How ugly were you?” I'm sorry, what was that? “I said 'How ugly were you?'” Oh yes, I see. I was so ugly that when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother! Hahaha... But seriously, a f&>king doctor slapped my f@&king mother, man! I shit you not. She didn't tell me about it until years later, and then what could I do? I don't know who this f@$king guy is. And at the time, I was, like, 30 seconds old! What can you do at 30 seconds? You don't know what it's like to lie there, naked and helpless while some f$@king college boy smacks your mum around. Stay calm, Nicky. That's it- breathe. I have been seeing someone to help me through this issue. This bloke called Jo-Jo who sleeps in the supermarket carpark. Once a week for 50 bucks he dresses up like a doctor and I bash him. I think it's really starting to help... But listen to me banging on again! You must be bored to tears, you poor dear. Why don't I put the kettle on. Hold this stethoscope for a minute, will you? AHA! A f@$king doctor, are you? I knew it! Cop this, you mum-slapping bastard!!
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