”How does one become the Dean of American Jazz Humorists©®?” I am often asked, as I relax in my stately plantation manor in Ol' Virginny, wearing a white linen suit, drinking a mint julep and saying things like “hush yo' mouth” and “lawzamussy” just whenever the mood strikes me.

The answer is simple, I say, to no one in particular since the person who asked the question originally has inevitably lost interest and gotten on with their lives by the time I get around to addressing them, what with all the Southerning I am obliged by tradition to carry out daily.

“What answer is simple?” asks someone else, who has just wandered in by mistake, looking for the Waffle House that Mapquest tells everyone is located here. How to become the Dean of American Jazz Humorists©® I say, starting the whole megillah all over again. Pretty soon, evening comes, and we all retire to the front porch to strum the banjo and reminisce about the old days. And the real question at hand, how exactly did I become the Dean of American Jazz Humorists©®, goes unanswered yet again. Do you honestly think I'd give up the secret, when I've got such a plum gig as the undisputed, undefeated heavyweight jazz humorist champeen of the world? Hush yo' mouth.

Home
Roanoke, VA


See more of my nonsense at the213.net

My Desert Island Picks

1. John Coltrane - The Complete Impulse Recordings
2. Miles Davis - The Complete Miles Davis and John Coltrane
3. Johnny Hartman and John Coltrane - Eponymous

What I'm Listening To Now (As of 2009-05-06)

1. Bill Carrothers - "Shine Ball"
2. Brad Mehldau - "Live in Toyko"
3. Dexter Gordon - "Go"

Favorite Web Sites

• Salem Red Sox - Uncle Genius' local nine.
• Urban Legend Reference Page - Don't risk being a dolt; check here to see if that amazing tale you just heard is true
• Minor League Baseball - Go out and beat the bushes. A fine time guaranteed.

Favorite Columns
Genius Guide to Jazz

Favorite Contributors
Jeff Fitzgerald, Genius

Favorite Jazz Genres
Straightahead/Mainstream/Bop/Hard Bop/Cool