The 9% Solution
Something must be said for the fact that people are still listening to Louis Armstrong almost eighty years after he started recording. Something must be said for the fact that there are brilliant young musicians out there still willing to pick up the banner even when they know that playing jazz will probably not earn them in a career even a fraction of what the average rap star earns before he is gunned down for being on the wrong side of that whole "Tastes Great, Less Filling" rhubarb. Something must be said for the fact that a known Genius like myself chose to make up silly nonsense for All About Jazz rather than taking a more lucrative gig making up silly nonsense for the New York Times.
In ultimate terms, the 9% Solution is less a manifesto for revolution than a subversive plot to use pop culture for the loud and empty vessel it is, a Trojan horse (or, more likely in these days of wallpaper sponsorships, a Trojan Bud Light Target Quiznos Nike AFLAC Southwest Airlines horse brought to you by Amazon.com). Once inside the psyche of the average American, can you imagine what the country would be like? It is a well-known fact that jazz fans are smarter, more affluent, and generally more attractive than average. It would be like a much hipper, multiethnic Sweden with better food and virtually no chance of another Abba.
So here we are, a modest suggestion for the propagation of our music by insidious means that could result in either a complete betterment of society, another boneheaded reality TV show, a period of incarceration at least ten but not to exceed twenty years, or a flood of indignant e-mails from 15 year-old girls all over the country who think I'm probably making fun of them somewhere in the midst of all those big words. My work here is done.
Till next month, kids, exit to your right and enjoy the rest of AAJ.