By Anonymous
Several days after the posting of Marty Khan's reflections on Ken Burns' Jazz, we awoke one morning to find a mysterious package on the doorstep. Because it had no return address (thankfully the law firm Dewey, Cheatham and Howe wasn't involved), we were somewhat concerned but after shaking the package, and realziing it had no moving parts, and since it wasn't ticking, we decided to open it. Inside, we found a long handwritten letter, scrawled in a nearly indecipherable penmanship. Because Burns documentary is about to air, we have decided to post this document, unedited, without first verifying its authenticity.
FROM AN ANONYMOUS SOURCE IN RESPONSE TO MARTY KAHN
Years from now, when your grand kids ask you "What was jazz really like and who invented jazz, daddy (or mommy)?" All you have to do is tell them this simple but true sentence:
"Ken Burns invented Jazz"
Here are some obscure facts that we are bringing to light for the first time (as the film is about to be released) in order to avoid any in-depth fact checking that those snotty-nosed big city critics will try and nit-pick.
Louis Armstrong's first bass player was Ken Burns. Ken became annoyed with this 'reefer smoking orphan son-of a-bitch' and left after a dispute as to who invented jazz.
Duke Ellington hired Ken Burns to help him arrange and orchestrate. "Sophisticated Lady" was actually composed by Ken Burns and was dedicated to his pet spaniel "Lady." Ken was annoyed when Duke blew him off at the Metronome Awards but forgave Duke when Ellington announced that he was dedicating a concert to Ken Burns. This was the "Black, Brown and Beige" concert.
Charlie Parker wanted to work with Ken Burns before he met Dizzy. After unrelenting phone calls and telegrams from Bird, Ken became annoyed and turned Bird down. Dizzy was so humbled by Ken's graciousness that he wrote a tune for Ken called "Salt Peanuts."
Talk about six degrees of separation
More facts:
Ken Burns was instrumental in the discovery of Miles Davis and some of the most important recording Miles made. Ken bought the tickets for George Avakian for the Newport Jazz Festival in 1954. Ken turned to George and said "someday Miles will be miles ahead of the rest". One day Ken was talking to his golf partner Irving Townsend and Irv asked Ken for some advice on a soon to be recorded Miles Davis project. Irv' concerns were:
- What to do with a white piano player? Will this player eventually be regarded as a major contributor in jazz?
- What to do about a on-the -move, up-the -ladder suck-up little bastard new young producer who wants my gig and ....Ken said to Irv, "I'll call up Teo's mom and tell her that we'll be mean to her son if he whines about not having your gig,.you dig!"
- What to call this new album? Irv described the idea behind the album as an unrehearsed jam session that will probably be just playing the blues. Ken was told the personnel and reflected for a moment and then said "I've always been annoyed by Coltrane. So tell him to cool it. You know, just play pretty. Not so many notes."
Further, Ken suggested that the white guy on piano should not be on all the tracks. God forbid you'd lose historical revisionist perspective in the future. The Caucasian Equation baby. What to call this mess. "What about something that's, well ...if you don't want people like me to be annoyed with the modal pretentious pseudo European non-blues based didn't come from New Orleans crap that this record will be then do all of the things I say and call this album 'It's a Kind'a Blue Baby' or just 'Kinda' Blue'....and misspell that fat alto player's name. He annoys me."
Coltrane had so annoyed Ken with his angry modernistic style that when Trane heard of Ken's disapproval he vowed to change his personal style to reflect a sound more reminiscent of an earlier day, when life was simple and baseball was king. Trane died a few days later, never having fulfilled Ken's vision.
After a long vacation in Europe (actually living in France, Spain and Italy for almost 15 years) Ken returned to the U.S and was so annoyed at what was called Fusion that he began contributing to the Republican Party and was instrumental in electing Ronald Reagan to the office of Presidency. As soon Reagan got control of the music industry, he implemented what is now know as Executive Order 13-2356.a (the Ken Burns Jazz December Surprise). This is when the conservative movement was given a new life and suddenly appearing on the scene was the Son of Burns, one who would eventually become the personification of the moment when Buddy Bolden came back to life.....Wynton Marsalis.
When Ken Burns was starting out as a young ambitious trombone player he was working riverboats from Davenport to New Orleans. One day a cornet player by the name of Buddy Bolden came by the riverboat when Ken was finishing a rousing solo on a newly composed song that he called "Basin Street Blues" Buddy was astonished at what he heard and he turned to the person next to him and asked him what Ken was playing. The person returned with a prophetic phrase "...that's Ken Burns' Jazz, man....."
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