Liner notes I have read:

INCOMPREHENSIBLY ERUDITE 

…the tune, in A-A-B-A-C-BM form, is based on the chord changes of I’ve Got Rhythm except for the bridge motif which leads to an improvised eight bar stretto 12/4 rhythm within the confines of the chromatic scale’s twelve notes wherein the out-chorus takes the changes of the bridge but turns back into itself as a counterpoint to the verse only different because it doesn’t but it might and you are getting sleepy verrrysleeeeeepy deeeperasleeeeep…

RAYMOND CHANDLER WANNABEE

These are the sounds you hear wafting up from some darktown gin mill on a mid winter night when the fog is thicker than the ankles on Jenny Craig’s freshman class and all you want is that clean single malt, a sweet woman, a hot platter of baby backs and most of all the smoky throated siren call of a Selmer TS200 with a fat taper and the whole night to keep it moist and keep it mellow oh my God I’m so hip I make Lord Buckley sound like Percy Dovetonsils…

THE TRANSLATED JAPANESE IMPORT OF UNBRIDLED LENGTHINESS

Roy "Little Bit Of Jazz Music" Eldridge is here featured on the "trumpet" horn where he render high notes with gay abandon! Also "Little Bit’s" ensemble group now are Buddie Rich pounding on the skins, Raymond Brown plucking his base, and pianner Jimmy Jones surrendering himself on keys for you. Recorded live in concert with microphones composed of superior quality in 1957 at the Kosei-Nenkin Hall, Tokyo giving stereo sound. In the auditorium were 2,389 swinger people. Their names are: Shigeki Kwan, Katsui Abe, Pearl Mikimoto, Shamiru Kosubi… (It goes on to identify the audience in its entirety.)

THE BUDGET LABEL AMATEUR WHO CAME UP THE HARD WAY, BY MARRYING THE DISTRIBUTOR'S DAUGHTER

Like nobody gets down and like tells it like it is like these cats get down! Oh, they’re cool and they’re funky but don’t let that fool you because behind that cool, funky demeanor these guys are also… well, far out and groovy! And do they swing? Do chicks have tits?

THE TRUCULENT OLD LION

What is there to say that hasn’t already been said a thousand times? Here’s our poll winner having to prove, once again, why he’s our poll winner once again. And despite those who might say this collection is similar to the last collection (which was similar to the three collections before that) take into consideration that age does not wither nor custom prevail and to have to prove one’s worth over and over and over and over and I’m so tired and what the hell you bought the thing listen to it.

NEW AGE

This music completes the cycle of oneness…As a flower growing into itself…Rhythm spreads the pollen within the dreamery of aural precepts… Growing fragrant now…The scent is around and within you… Cultivated…Excreted…Sticking to your shoes…The donkey droppings…Of musical genius…Tracking up the throw rugs…Of your…Mind…

THANKSGIVING

Without the following people this recording could not have been realized. Thank you, Jorg, for always being there. And thank you, Denise, for being with Jorg when he wasn’t there. And to you, Spotty and your sidekick Christine, for the emergency petroleum jelly…and to our Divine Maker for the continued guidance and enlightenment (but where were you during that shitty take 7? …just kidding, ha-ha!) And thanks, Ben and Jerry, for those weird little chunks of whatever they were…and thank you, Miss Hanschlager, my third grade teacher for instructing me on how to pick my nose properly and my deepest gratitude to Phil and Hymie and Barbie and Ken and Harthasidipremenanda and most of all that blind guy who taught me the changes to Lester Leaps In and thanks especially to all the great jazz musicians who are now dead and won’t pose any threat to my career except in reissue form.

But after having read album jackets and CD inserts for the past 45 years, I think I’ve grown especially fond of:

MILES DAVIS’ PREFERRED LINER NOTES

Davis, trumpet. Other musicians. e’ll ask, "Hey man, what have you done to advance the art form?" and I’ll proudly reply, "You probably haven’t logged on to my guest Diatribe on the subject." On second thought, maybe I’ll hope he hasn’t.