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First Night Stagefright
By Jesse Ratner
Prefatory Remarks
The following creative nonfiction was written over a year ago for All About
Jazz. In the intervening months, a few of the key personalities have passed
away and as I looked over the piece recently, I felt again the loss of those
spirits that informed my inspiration for writing - and I wanted to call out
their names in fond remembrance. Someone once said, whomever you break
bread with, you carry their souls with you until you meet again. I think
the same resonance applies to making collective music. I now enlist the
names of the shadowy figures below as a small testament to the power of
their presence and a documentation of my thanks.
Scene: circa 1998; Los Angeles, California; The World Stage, 4344 Degnan
Road.
Dramatis Personnae: Billy Higgins, musician, educator, co-founder of The
World Stage; Don Muhammad, raconteur, impresario, co-founder and manager of
The World Stage; Jimmy Mendenhall, pianist, equestrian, husband, father;
Vonnie Hope, bassist (including a stint with Nat 'King' Cole); Jesse Ratner,
musician, writer
I was scared on the drive over. I had to stop and get a pack of smokes.
I was still anxious as I walked into The World Stage for the second time on
a Friday night in 1998. It was a cool late autumn night, but The Stage
beckoned warmly.
The World Stage is located in the heart of the Los Angeles' African-American
cultural community. Jazz clubs, blues bars, art galleries, restaurants, an
amphitheater, chess tables, a park, and a row of makeshift vendors selling
crafts jostled for position amongst the people out for the night.
The night before, Thursday night, I came with my girlfriend, Teresa Brown,
and scouted the place out. I hadn't played music in public since I first
was in college and then it was usually on a gut full of booze. My last four
years had been spent blowing the blues into the carpet trying to imitate the
coal black brilliance of what I heard from my Miles Davis' collection.
Teresa and I slunk down in the back row of the small club listening for the
melodies of the spirit. We heard songs like Footprints, Now's The Time,
Star Eyes, and You Don't Know What Love Is. It was fun and everyone seemed
to be enjoying themselves. Just before we left, all the horns crammed onto
the stage, which was about as long and wide as a hopscotch line, and
bellowed in big sound splendor the Oliver Nelson classic Stolen Moments. In
my mind, I was riffing right along with them. On the drive home to
Hollywood, I think Teresa and I both saw shooting stars.
The next night I went back unaccompanied and ready to dive in. I walked
into the club clutching my horn case and praying that I didn't get chased
away because of poor skills or lack of talent.
I paid the three-dollar charge to play; the manager seemingly glad I came
back. On stage, two very old men, a pianist and a bassist, were just
setting up. I grabbed one of the brown and chrome office chairs in the
front row and just sat looking around. The club was empty except for the
three of us and the manager. On the walls hung photographs of Billy
Higgins, Tony Williams, Wynton Marsalis and John Coltrane. There were oil
paintings of Miles Davis and Charlie Parker. The six by twelve foot stage
was carpeted in gray, contained a standard issue piano, a tan drum set, and
a microphone.
On stage, the two men seemed to fuss over some technical question.
Observing them from my seat to the left and below the slightly raised stage,
I could see that the bass player looked about sixty and the pianist was
older. They were very lanky. In fact, I wouldn't have been surprised if
they pulled out a bowl of sawdust and water between songs to snack on.
I also noticed that the pianist fingers were very, very long; they looked as
if they might stretch from here to the end of the earth; as if he could play
the first and the eighty-eighth key on the piano with just one hand.
As they began to play, it was quickly evident that they had vastly different
musical temperaments. Like Jeckyll and Hyde, the pianist smiled warmly and
played gentle, rolling phrases that shimmered and hung in the air; while the
bassist scowled often and plucked at his strings like they were incorrigible
children in sore need of a spanking.
A little while went by and eventually I got up my nerve and asked if I could
play too. The pianist just nodded and smiled. So I unpacked my old horn,
wetted the mouthpiece, and blew a couple of introductory notes to warm up.
The first time you put your lips to the mouthpiece the coldness is like a
pillow. It's hard and concave with a hollowed out center but your lips
slipslide over the perimeter and pucker the hollow, buzzing a little, and
soon enough it's kinda like sitting by a smoldering fire.
"What do you wanna play?" - the pianist asked softly.
"Uh, I don't know. Anything is ok with me."
He had been playing gentle melodies from an earlier age, the 30's perhaps,
and that's what he continued playing. I didn't recognize the melody, but
his harmony was clear as the sky above a Kansas wheat field; the chords
gliding from one to the other like a puff of vapor, effortlessly.
We played for an hour, maybe longer. All Of Me, Body And Soul, Out Of
Nowhere. The songs started and stopped, but his luminous harmonies seemed
to always tell the same tale. How could I struggle for the right notes. He
handed me the answers. Just play pretty.
You know how when you first jump in a pool, if it's a little cold you splash
around to warm up. Then maybe you push off the end and shoot through the
water, dive down a little, and the water is all around. It's cool and
refreshing, the water rushes along the length of your body, and maybe you
won't ever come up for air.
And suddenly it was over. After we stopped, the pianist got up and sat
beside me. He was wearing brown slacks and a pale yellow shirt. He gave me
a friendly nod and leaned in to talk.
"You play tricky," he offered.
Was that slang for something? An old word for good or bad or confusing? I
was at a loss.
I thanked him for playing with me. We made small talk for a minute and the
club closed early for lack of business.
Afterword
Billy Higgins passed away earlier this year. Vonnie Hope passed away in
2000. Don Muhammad and Jimmy Mendenhall are still active figures around the
The World Stage and the jazz scene. Jesse Ratner is not at all tricky amd
welcomes comments, suggestions, billet-douxs, and all other forms of
correspondence to him at jesse_ratner@yahoo.com. Thanks.
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